Unhappy in marriage due to seeing inlaws too much?
Husband needs to see his parents more than I want to. I have no family left because they all have died within the past 4 years , mom dad and sister. His parents stress me out and I used to go visit as a balance to be able to see my family. But now I have no family left to see and it pains me to see only his family for every holiday and at least once every month. I dread those visits and don't want to spend the rest of my life living in dread. My husband says "so I can't see my family then?" whenever I say that I think we see them too much. I am trying to find a way to figure out a way to be happy . We have kids together and divorce would damage them. If I don't go to visit or say that I don't want to spend every holiday with them then my husband makes me feel guilty and that he is hard done by. I never again get to see my family and this fact doesn't seem to register with him. This situation is making me really not love him because I feel like he doesn't care that I am hurting and he won't give anything without a guilt trip attached. I am not coming up with any positive solutions.
?2012-05-12T12:40:47Z
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Sometimes, what is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?? Outlaws are wanted.
I do understand your situation. My ex played the same game with me and my parents are still alive.
Try to convince him that it would be nice to spend holidays at home with your family. Other than that, if he is playing head games and playing the psychological and emotional hostage game with you, there is not much you can do to get him to change. Sorry.
Try to work with the fact that you go there every holiday, and I know it hurts, but if you mention that you do not have family, he may be childish enough to think you are playing the game of counting the times you saw your family vs the number of times you saw his family like it is a contest or something. This is what he may use against you. Try to use the principle of wanting to have holidays as your family holiday, and not with his all the time. My ex played head games like that. It was more about control than an actual family event.
Unfortunately, he may not care that you are hurting. Do not let him make you feel guilty. That is the game children play. That game is about manipulation and control more than anything.
First off your not the only person who has lost there family. Your anger is not at your in-laws it's because you have lost your family. Your anger is natural .To lose your family and feel sad angry and feel so alone these are normal feelings and your Mother and Father and Sister would not want you to be angry they would want you to celebrate there lives and talk about them to your children and your husband and his family. You feel sorry for you and your loss, but you have much to be thankful for. Never ever deny your husband and your children from seeing his family,because your angry .You see them once a month and they stress you out .It is not there fault you lost your family. Your an Adult a Mother a Wife and a Daughter-in-law etc. Show some respect never let your children hear your anger towards your husbands family..Your happiness is in your being a good parent and a loving wife. Your family is always with you always in your heart let go of your anger and be happy .Your Husband should not suffer because you lost your family and he still has his family. Count your blessings and rememeber some people have NO ONE.......
I can barely stand my husband's parents. I let him visit them and he goes about once a month. I ENCOURAGE him to visit them since his Dad is in poor health and I wouldn't want him to later regret not seeing him. I only go a few times of the year.
My suggestion it to tell him which holidays that you and he, as a family, should enjoy together ALONE. I don't celebrate Christmas, for instance, so I told him to go ahead and have Christmas dinner with his family. I stay home. However, Thanksgiving is my decision. Works for us.
Once a month is not really a lot to put out for his family, but clearly, you don't even like his family. So, I see no reason why you need to visit, with him, so often.
I'm so sorry you have lost all of your family besides your husband, children and your husband's extended family. Losing your own blood relations is sad. It's always sad. Even though we know that it is the right order of things to lose your parents decades before your own life is over.
I hope you had the opportunity to cherish your family while they were alive. You know that is all your husband is doing while he can as well.
IA that you and your husband and your children would be well served to develop some new family traditions of your very own. Which doesn't mean that your husband needs to drive a wedge between him and his living family both born and wed/bred. Seeing in-laws once a month and holidays would be considered very reasonable for people who were not grieving the loss of their blood families, under most circumstances. However... it is always a good idea to develop traditions within your ow household that bond you and your children together with your own private memories.
Share with him that you want to be able to give your children the bond that he feels with his parents. That your immediate family needs to have some traditions of your own so that when they grow up they'll want to come home to YOUR home for the holidays. And share him with his family -- try to allow your grieving to open your heart to his family in a way that hasn't happened before.
wow, you see his family a lot. He does know that the family he has with you and his kids is more important than the family he has with siblings and parents, right? Talk to him about maybe switching off going to see his family for holidays, etc. and just staying together as a family. Growing up in my family we maybe saw my mom's family once a year and we only ever saw my Paw Paw on my dad's really once a month--and only that often because Paw Paw was our father figure growing up since his son had been such a dead beat and there was no father in the home.