How would you feel if your husband searched facebook to see pictures of old girlfriend?
We have been married 18 yrs, split up numerous times,mostly because he plays in a rock band part time and came home at 3-4 am. I thought he straightened out. I accidentally found out he was searching for an old girlfriend on facebook. When confronted, he said he "just wanted to see her picture." We ran into her about 6 months ago while out with another couple. He talked to her for a good 30 mins.,after he introduced her to me-couldn't avoid it. The couple we were with noticed how they flirted. Only later that night, he told me she was an old girlfriend. So he thinks it's ok to search for her on FB! Any comments appreciated!
?2012-05-15T03:51:55Z
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No Kathy it is not right.
If my husband did this, I would question where his loyalties lay - as he would if I did the same.
An ex girlfriend is just that: EX which means no feelings, but he is proving otherwise and probably not being honest even with himself.
I am sorry that despite the longevity of your marriage, it has been a rocky road and still is. Me thinks that this man is not being true to you, for if he truly loves you, he would not even want to search her out on facebook. That is a fine excuse to say: oh only wanted to see what she is up to! For goodness sake, he had that face to face when he saw her for half an hour and probably would have been a lot longer, had you not been there!
I honestly think you have to give him an automaton ie you or her; he can't have both!
He is not to be trusted sweetheart, and I am truly sorry to say that.
I think you should be suspicious. He can't use curiosity as the excuse here; he already saw her in person just a few months ago and that should have been enough to satisfy whatever curiosity he had. Heck, people manage to wait 10-25 or more years to see their old high school chums.
The fact that she's still on his mind after six months is cause for you to be concerned. The fact that your friends found his behavior enough out the ordinary for a married man's behavior that they even told you about it (which might I add, most people would not mention because its often considered a "personal matter" between you and your husband), puts this at an even higher level of concern and should put you on notice.
Am I saying you should watch his every move? No, because he'll just hide more. He will do what he wants to do and its his job to be a good husband, its not your job to make him one. I'd say you focus on the quality of your relationship and bond with him and think about what steps you'll take next if it seems that bond isn't as strong as you'd like.
I'd recommend a consultation with a marriage counselor; an once of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
I can see how he would be interested in seeing how she turned out - we are all interested in watching our ex's fail after a bad breakup - or just to check up and see how they are doing if it was a mutual breakup. As long as he isn't acting on anything, I don't think you should be threatened. Don't make him feel guilty for looking her up - he will only do it more, and this time in secret and you will get paranoid, which will result in increased fighting and accusations. Its' much better just to be transparent about it and show him that it's ok.