Boyfriend advice for the exam period?

Question

Hi there,
I really just need someone else's perspective on this as I'm not sure whether I am simply being selfish or there is something else to it.

Last year my boyfriend and I (both at different colleges at the time and before we were in a relationship) didnt do well in our exams and subsequently both decided to retake the year. We're now at the same college, the problem is that since January he has been working and revising towards his AS exams, which is pretty impressive, but it also meant that if ever he stayed over he had to go home very early the next morning to revise, which was a bit annoying but I got used to it. In the last two months though things have been really hard.
For the last two months he's been studying continuously, tending to block me out, and being vacant, he says he still loves me and I don't doubt it, the problem is that he won't even spent more than 3 minutes talking to me on the phone or stay 5 minutes after an exam to talk about it before he's off home to do more revision.
I kind of feel a bit like a toy thats got sat on the shelf, and although I understand both our exams are important I still find it hard that he won't donate ANY time towards me, please let me know if I'm wrong here, because. Could be, I'd just like someone elses perspective, thanks x

Helen · Accepted Answer

I definitely understand why you'd feel as though you're being neglected because you're comparing the amount of time and attention you received before to now. However, I'm sure that academics is a very high priority for both of you because you're both in university, it just seems as though you're approaching it in two different ways. Girls usually have an easier time balancing their relationships with their responsibilities whereas boys have a more difficult time making time for both. 

You should sit him down and tell him how he feels AND tell him what you want while making it clear that it's an open discussion and that you're flexible. You want both of you to be comfortable with the arrangement which means you might have to be flexible. Just hear out his side of the story and maybe you guys can agree that on Fridays you'll have a movie night but on every other weekday you recognize that it's study days. If you guys can, you might want to study together in the library (I did that when I had a semester of a particularly difficult courseload). However, make sure you're actually dedicated to studying and not using study time as an excuse to flirt. Be silent and actually do your work, just appreciate his presence. 

The best way to solve this however is to talk to him directly and figure out what's comfortable for both of you. You're not wrong to feel neglected, but the only way to solve the issue is by having an open conversation with him.

Boyfriend advice for the exam period?

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