How many rights does the father have when it comes to the mother putting baby up for adoption?

Question

I had an unplanned pregnancy occur with my boyfriend. I am now 15 weeks along.I am nineteen and I work full time and am a full time college student. My plans were to keep the baby but deep in my gut I know I want my child to have a better life than my boyfriend and I can provide for it. 
My boyfriend is 25 and already has a child who has been being raised by her great grandmother. My boyfriend does not pay child support toward her and sees her every other weekend. He WANTS to be a good dad, but lacks any sort of motivation to be one. He has never held a steady job. He doesn't currently work. He has had an ongoing drug problem. The list goes on and on.
Deep down I know I am better than this guy and better than this life. I feel like I am staying with him because I feel obligated to because of the baby. I know I deserve more but I know especially that my child deserves more. I love this child so much but I know it could be given so much more if it had different parents.
My boyfriend wants me to keep it, but I am leaning toward adoption. He acts as if it would be a selfish choice when really it would be the most difficult, and the most selfless decision I would make.
He tells me if I try to put it up for adoption that he will take it from me. That scares me. If I signed over my rights to the adoptive parents can he really just come in and take the baby?
Truely, I know he will not be a good parent. He has no job, no stable home, a couple of weeks sobriety.. it's just awful all around.
What are my options of keeping this guy away from this baby and giving the baby to a good, loving, stable family?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You are in a tough situation. Only you know what is best for your baby and if you believe adoption is the best choice, props to you for considering it. Mothers have A LOT of rights and can make most of the decisions, but you will absolutely need the father to release his rights before an adoption can be finalized. You are able to make an adoption plan, choose an adopted family for your baby, and the baby can actually be living with them under "foster" care, until all the legal documents are complete, but it cannot be finalized in court until he signs his relinquishment papers. As the father, he has his rights too.  My advice to you would be to speak with an adoption counselor or an attorney who specializes in adoption. I'm not sure where you live, but Kinship Center in California is an excellent resource.  Their phone number is 1-800-4-Kinship and can answer all your questions free of charge.  It doesn't matter what state you are located in, they will help answer your questions and guide you in the right direction if you decide adoption is your best plan.

We adopted our son nearly fours years ago and are hoping to adopt again. We have had a lot of experience with the legal system.  It varies from state to state, but the one consistency is that of the father's rights. However, a good lawyer or adoption agency can talk him into signing paperwork.  If he decides he wants to keep the baby, he'll be responsible for child support and the attorney will make sure his wages are garnished to the maximum to help him go along with the adoption plan. Don't let him bully you into keeping the baby if it's not right for you. You are the only one who can make that decision. Mother's rights go a LONG way.

A big question you need to get answered is if he wants this baby because he is going to love and care for it or does want the baby just to spite you? If you truly believe he is doing it to spite you, then you should pursue adoption, but if he wants to raise and love his baby, you might want to seek help from a therapist to help work on the relationship.  No one says you have to stay with him and raise the child together, but he should be given the opportunity if he TRULY wants it.

Best of luck to you with your pregnancy and hope you find comfort in whatever path you choose.

~K

? · Answer

Technically the daddy has as a lot right to raise the little one as the mum does, in spite of any support or no longer from his mom and dad. Where the problem gets sticky is if she areas the youngster for adoption stating she does not know who the daddy is and no one takes steps to determine him. The procedure is supposed to do so or time need to be taken in a method to declare in courtroom that they can't in finding him but when the father catches wind of the fact that the mum is trying to position the youngster for adoption with out his consent then he can stop the method. He may just have to go by way of a DNA procedure to show paternity nevertheless it's viable and it's been done, tons. Regrettably, biological fathers have also slipped via the cracks as well and been left either high and dry or struggling for years to regain custody or as a minimum some contact.

Anonymous · Answer

If he is such a bad guy than why did you lie down with him, spread those legs and make a baby with him?  Sorry but he has rights as that childs father and in most states his consent is needed for the adoption. If you dont want the child dont you have family that would care for it until you can get your act together? Next time be selective about who you sleep with and use a reliable birth control method. .. I get so frustrated when I hear stories like this.. with all the birth control methods on the market and the availaibilty of condoms at a drug stores unwanted pregnancies should be rare.

EditI"t varies from state to state, but the one consistency is that of the father's rights. However, a good lawyer or adoption agency can talk him into signing paperwork. If he decides he wants to keep the baby, he'll be responsible for child support and the attorney will make sure his wages are garnished to the maximum to help him go along with the adoption plan. "

That sounds to me like bullying and coercing a father to sign over his rights.. adoptions where duress and coercion are proven can be invalidated. If the father wants to keep his child he has every right to go to court and sue for custody. Garnishing his wages to get him to "go along with the adoption plan"? Sounds like extortion and that is downright illegal. This is why I oppose the adoption industry. I really hope this guy can clean up his act and raise his child if mum does not want it.

Kathy · Answer

If you call an adoption agency they will help you through this. For him to stop the adoption he will have to show the judge that he has the money it takes to raise this child, a home and a place or a reliable person to care for it while he is working. If you suspect drugs, he will be required to take a drug test too! He WILL be questioned why he isn't taking care of his other child full time. The judge won't let him off the hook that easily. The agency will ask for all his information and will notify him  before it is born, that you want to put it up for adoption. It can work, it has before with many other children. Also if he is not there helping you and supporting you through the pregnancy, then the judge is less likely to let him keep it either.
Good luck, I wish you the best. Don't stress, it will work out.

Cynical_Student · Answer

One would question WHY you had sex with a drug taking drunk... or why you'd have one as your boyfriend...

Seeing as his first child lives with neither of his parents - I can't see him having much sympathy with a judge/lawyer - and if he has no motivation he won't go to court to get the child back. He doesn't pay child support for the first, he doesn't have a job... he's got on going drug problems (why are you dating him?!!! Why? What does he give you?! What do you get out of it?!

No stable home, no stable income... drug problems... No court in the country would allow him to have a child living with him full time.

I'd say the court would support you 100% if you wish to put your child up for adoption, but the only issue I can see is that your baby has a half sister - the adoption would probably have to be an open one - so your child could see it's half sister, see you and hopefully see her biological father in a contact centre.

Ashlee · Answer

it depends on where you live. mostly, you need his consent, however if he is proven as an unfit parent, his consent won't be needed.  
people here are so judgemental.  it doesn't matter how you got into this situation, it matters how you deal with it and that you do what's right for your baby.  there is probably and more than likely information at your local planned parenthood about what to do in this situation.  you could also call an adoption agency to find out what you need for a successful adoption.
adoption is not a selfish choice, and that is a fact.  it is the most selfless thing you can do, and in your situation, it sounds like it would be best for this child.  make sure if you do go through with adoption that you get to choose and also get to know them so that you know who your child will be with and that he or she will have good parents.

How many rights does the father have when it comes to the mother putting baby up for adoption?

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