35y.o. guy and sexually confused...?

Question

Where to begin?

Well, the only thing I know for sure is that I'm rather masochistic. I've practiced self-bondage since I was 12. The porn I look at is BDSM themed. Mostly straight with men topping women. I identify myself with the women. Does this mean I'm transgendered? In video games I play I almost exclusively play as women. I just feel more comfortable that way. Things just feel off playing as a guy. When I was a kid I experimented a little bit with crossdressing. Today I don't think I would really want to try but sometimes I think about it. I wouldn't know where to start. I'd make an ugly woman. (But I'm not a half bad looking guy, if I do say so myself.)

The few times I've been attracted to someone in real life it was with women. But sexual fantasies are almost exclusively with men. Does this make me gay or straight? The times I was attracted were during manic episodes. (I'm bipolar.)  Without the episodes to point to I haven't been attracted to anyone really. Does that make me asexual? I'm actually technically a virgin and I don't always feel a strong need to change that. (But sometimes I want to...) The extent of my experience is self-bondage, porn, and Second Life where I go around as a girl and have sex with unsuspecting men.

So... Am I gay, straight, bi, transgendered, or asexual?

annie · Accepted Answer

Screw labels and do whats right for you

Anonymous · Answer

2

BoopBeepBoop · Answer

Sexuality is a whirlpool of different things. You don't need a label, it's fine to be whatever you are. As humans, we're obsessed with categorizing everything, some people just don't fit into those neat little boxes that we so love to put them in. 

I know quite a few guys who only roleplay or play video games as female characters and they would definitely not consider themselves trans. Unless you actually feel you should be a female, I personally wouldn't call you trans. Someone else might, I wouldn't. 

Sexual fantasies are something that are really strange and sometimes have nothing to do with what we really want. For instance, I have many sexual fantasies about someone being forceful (almost rape...) with me, but I think if anyone tried that in real life I would *****-slap the **** out of them. It's more of what turns you on than what you actually want done to you. So, no, having fantasies about men does not make you gay. Does this mean that you're straight? Not necessarily. There are just so many different things that make up an individual's sexuality. Some people are really simple to put into those categories, others are more complicated. The only thing you can really say is "I'm me" and that's all you need to be. 

Though labels can be useful sometimes, don't think you NEED one. You're whatever you are, you're attracted to whoever you're attracted to, and whatever turns you on, turns you on. It's that simple. Embrace it and work it :).

swirlingblack · Answer

You're bisexual.

35y.o. guy and sexually confused...?

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