How do I make my husband understand cheating is wrong?

I've been married for almost 3 years. I love my husband more than words can express. When he asked me to marry him I was so happy. I told him about my ex husband cheating on me throughout our marriage. He took me in his arms and reasured me that he would never do anything like that to me.

His job has him out of town 80% of the time. He hardly ever has ANY kind of sexual relationship with me. It's been that way from the start. At the end of our 1st year together I found out that he was cheating on me. I forgave him and he promised never again.

The no sex problem still continued. I asked him to please talk to me so we can get this resolved. He would always tell me he would make time to talk but never would. He was pushing me away faster and faster everyday.

At the end of the 2nd year. I couldn't take it anymore. Things were getting worse by the min. He started treating me worse & acting like he just didn't care. I told him I was going to leave, he wouldn't talk about or try to fix it & treating me bad on top of it wasn't going to work any more. He came to me and told me "Please don't think it's your fault, it's all my fault. I will sit down and discuss it with you. I Promised" We had a family commitment to take care of, so he asked me to please give him 2 more days. I was so happy, I told him sure no problem.

His job sent him out of town. So I waited for 3 weeks before I brought it up again. When I did, WW-III started. He got mean and hateful any time I tried to bring it up. It got horrible and continued to get worse once I told him I was going to start checking up on him. OMG he got real bad. He wasn't taking me anywhere & if he did I had to stay in the car. I was only leaving the house 2 or 3 times a month. This when on for another 8mos (He was out of town 5 1/2 of the 8mos). All the while, he's one day telling me I'm the love of his life & the next telling me I turn his stomach.

Now we are almost 9mos from his promised and I find out he has been cheating the whole time. He had never intended to stop when we got married. He's not cheating with just one woman, he's cheating every-time he's out of town.

I love him so much. I just don't think he will stop. I found him on dating sites before I confronted him. He has been acting like he dropped a dish, not CHEATED on his wife. BTW......with NO protection!! I'm scared, I don't know who or what!!

I'm not sure if I can forgive him, but i'm willing to talk. Last night he was on the dating sight again! (he went out of town yesterday)

Please honey, if you read this, I love you, but I can't live this way. I believe in you and have always told you, if we stand together, we can make it! Please give it up.....100% this time. You never gave me a fair chance. You know what kind of wife, mother and person I am. You know what I have given up and done for you. You want to toss me away like trash and you don't want me to get anything in return.

Please Please!!

Sue C2012-07-18T09:19:01Z

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Honey, I don't usually suggest to anyone to abandon their marriage due to cheating. Am one to say I don't believe in "once a cheater always a cheater". HOWEVER, in your case I AM going to say just that. My ex husband cheated on me constantly. Thinking it was his alcoholism making him do it, I hung in for 12 long yrs. hoping he too would get sober as I have for 20+ yrs. now. He could/would not get sober & stay sober. At our last counseling session of MANY, we were told he is also a "womanizer" & to get Professional help for that along with AA. Also were told our marriage would NOT last! I finally accepted the truth as such & ended our marriage. With you & your husband's absolute "avoidance" of even discussing it, out rite lying about it, I'm sorry to say he has NO intentions of changing a thing. As much as I believe in counseling, I do NOT feel that would even work!!! He's away from home far too often, can so easily cheat on you, you'd NEVER hope to even find out who or how many women he's with or been with. Using no protection is even worse! My ex even gave me a STD as he too used NO protection. I remember being totally embarrassed when the OBGYN told me what I had as I never even heard of it. But, didn't want the Dr. to think I had contracted it myself & not "given it" instead!!! IF you're having any sexual contact with him at all, I definitely would go & have tests done to MAKE SURE you're OK. He would NOT touch me again without protection either. Honey, do you truly want to spend the whole rest of your life with such a person?!? I KNOW you love him as I also loved my husband, BUT the TRUTH IS THE TRUTH & you MUST ACCEPT it as such. Don't wait as long as I did & waste your life away with him for the inevitable. It's NOT going to change, I dare say a counselor would tell you the very SAME thing. Just by his attitude alone, he wants NO parts of even giving you the respect of discussing it with you! THAT alone tells you something & red flags are waving all around him. ACCEPT IT as I did regardless of how badly you don't want to as neither did I. But, the truth IS the truth none the less & is NOT going to change a thing for your sake. You DO deserve a loving life of happiness & are NOT going to even hope to have it with him. Let him know you CANNOT take it anymore, you MUST END things & go forward with your own life instead. There IS a certain special person out there for you, you just have not met him yet, but WILL when you least expect it. You WILL then have the happiness your heart desires & will KNOW the reason he just was NOT meant to be. I too have found the love & happiness I longed for & have been with him for 22 yrs. now. NO MORE wasted time(s), no more wishful thinking. To go on a dating site the very day before leaving town, is quite obvious he no doubt even already has things "lined up" just waiting for him to arrive. PLEASE do what needs be to finally rid yourself of ALLL the hurt & nite mares he's causing you. I felt like a ton of bricks rolled off my back when I made up my mind. I finally was FREE of it ALL. Honey, you too need to face reality regardless of how hard it is. Just KNOW you DO have that chance of total love & happiness just waiting for you to reach out & get it & you WILL. Make up our mind you ARE going to accept it ALL, take that leap of faith DO IT. Bring up your children in a home filled with the love & happiness they too do deserve. I PROMISE you WILL find just the rite one for you. I've found if we do things rite, they WILL work out rite. You DO deserve a life of happiness, you WILL see/have ALL your dreams come true. End this sham of a marriage & you'll be going in the rite direction for ALL of you. IF I did it, ALL WILL benefit from it, you will NOT regret it....I wish ALL GOOD things for you, honey, KNOW you WILL receive them. The BEST IS yet to come & it WILL...:)

akristel20032012-07-18T08:01:59Z

I'm so so so sorry that you are dealing with this right now, you sound really sweet and loving, and deserve better.

Look, he knows that cheating is wrong, but he either has a mental problem (it seems like almost all bipolars cheat) or he thinks that he can get away with it.

Find someone close to you to talk with about this issue, and maybe they can help you get some insight into his cruelty.

Ken2012-07-18T08:04:39Z

You live in a dream world. Either accept his cheating or move on. It will not stop anytime soon. My Father was like that and after 4 marriages he finally married a woman that just didn't ask questions he said that eventually made cheating less appealing to him and he eventually stopped. Of course he was like 55 by that time.

Little Ollie2012-07-22T04:22:49Z

Your husband knows that cheating is wrong and chooses to do it anyway. It's time for you to see a lawyer.

.2012-07-18T08:26:08Z

You need therapy to help you learn why you have no self esteem, and why you think you love someone who doesn't give a crap about you (if your post is true)...

...then you need to put on your girlie-balls and move on and leave the loser behind...the dude knows cheating is 'wrong', he simply doesn't care and you've shown him that you'll tolerate it and stay, so why should he change his ways???

You're not in love...it's clear you don't know what love really is...please get some help...

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