i feel uncomfortable in public even though i go to public places and talk to people all the time?
I have no clue whats going on inside my head, but when someone talks to me words come out automatically. I feel confused about what to do when i get tired. some things i would be able to do without issue most of the time, like catching a baseball, I completely lose the ability to do. watching the ball into the glove becomes impossible. I consistently think of the mistakes I have made in the past and feel horrible, i cant let it go, it keeps haunting me even though it had no effect on my life or others. just saying something stupid and making a dumb joke. I cant forget about it for months, and then i still think about it for months more after. i burned the skin off my finger at work once, got burn spray and came back to work. the gloves i was wearing scratched it and i said ouch and someone said suck it up. i didnt know if they were kidding or not but its been literally 2 months, and it is just an old scar now, but I still think about it, not the burn but if i handled it wrong.
Yesterday we had a company softball game, and there were 5 teams. I started at 9am and was outside from then until about 3-4. after about 4 5 inning games straight in the heat i got tired and couldn't catch the ball anymore. I mean I'm a little bit overweight but I'm a rather athletic guy. I lettered all four years in wrestling and my 2 varsity years in football. i work as a line cook now but i just stopped being able to get the ball in my glove. I had to leave because i was embarrassed. i didn't show that i was embarrassed but i did leave. from the time i got there until i left i was uncomfortable around everyone though.