Is it really socially acceptable to "break up" with friends?
Or is it better to just try to distance yourself and not make an ordeal of it by having a conversation with the person about ending your friendship? What if you had been very, very, very close with this person, best friends, but recently you find that you just can't be around them without feeling pissed off at them, and you just feel like it would be best to end it? Do you think a conversation about it is appropriate or is it unnecessary, or even mean?
I know when you're in an intimate relationship with someone and you want to break up, it's pretty necessary to have that sort of talk with them... but I've never really known how it works with friends, especially ones that you're particularly close with. I just feel like not responding to texts anymore and just acting generally cold toward them would leave the friendship ending too vaguely, and kinda, I dunno...
What do you think? Is a "break up" talk appropriate?
Smiles (derailed)2013-01-12T04:00:12Z
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Friends drift apart all the time. Sometimes it's mutual, and sometimes it isn't, but it happens. Me and my best friend had been on the rocks for a while and when I did something to worsen that, he called me and we talked and agreed that us as friends wasn't working. We were both resentful towards each other and honestly tired of fighting, so even though we still cared for each other, we both felt like we were better off alone because the friendship felt like too much hard work. We both ended up missing each other and we're still the bestest of the bestest friends. My point is, mine and his time apart actually made us realize that we miss each other and care too much to throw away what we have based on a bunch of squabbles. It eventually got to the point where *not being friends* was too much hard work. Sometimes, there are things you take granted with friends and you tend to focus on their negatives instead of their positives. That's when you drift apart and don't feel as close as before. That's what happened to me. The same thing might be happening to you.
Speaking from personal experience, though, I don't think you should be so quick to let someone go. If you really and truly and wholly believe that the friendship between you two is gone, break it off, and break it off as soon as you can. But if you're just having second thoughts about your friendship with her/him, tell her that you want some time off to be alone. Who knows? Maybe you'll realize that you *do* need to be friends after all.
As far as a break up talk goes, in your case, I do think you need to have one; especially because I got the impression that your aloofness isn't mutual. It's more than appropriate, it's expected. Just cutting yourself off and losing all contact is just going to raise a lot of questions in your friends mind what will probably never get answered. It might be hard and definitely awkward but it's something that I think you should do.
I agree with the poster above. Before you do anything, work out why you are angry with this person. That is the most important step. Then ask yourself this: Is it something that can be resolved by talking to them, or is it best to just leave it for a while?
What I don't advise is that you make it a big thing where you "break up" with them. That just turns the whole thing into a bigger thing than it needs to be. It also leaves the other person feeling hurt and rejected. And any mutual friends you have are going to be caught in the middle. Acting cold isn't a great idea either. That just leaves the other person questioning what they did wrong.
A better short term solution is to place a smaller amount of distance between the two of you--for example, invite other mutual friends along when you hang out, answer text messages but not straight away and encourage them to make new friendships. This way, the friendship will either end naturally or you'll find that over time, the things that are bothering you will eventually fade and the two of you will just become as close as you were.
Generally speaking, yes and no. It depends on your situation. If your friend is always bothering you, texting you & is just simply annoying- YES. Even if you don't reply, they'll still keep going so it is best to have a little talk. You shouldn't have to deal with someone on your back all the time, as if they have no friends. It is simply stressful. However, if your friend is not very much attached to you, then you can simply distance yourself, gradually. A little talk will eventually lead up to something, more serious, or even angering. Just keep distancing- that is the key. You should also get new friends, join a sport of some sort, or even get a new hobby to keep you busy. That way they have less time to talk to you. Then soon enough they will realize that the friendship is pretty much over. Hope I helped!
From experience, I've found that it's best to just start hanging around other people and doing different things. It can be a gradual thing; I wouldn't suggest to stop talking to the person all together, but if the person has done something to you, they shouldn't be completely clueless on why you're not talking to them anymore. I wouldn't go through a whole "break up" talk with them, but if they ask why you're not hanging around with them, I would be honest with them, and tell them that whatever they did kind of hurt you (?) and maybe you can work it out. If you're in school, maybe you could join a club or a sport and then if the friend wants you to do something, it won't be a lie if you say that you're busy.
well, what I would do would just be to stop talking to them. I've had a few friends whom that's happened to, but I don't really think either one of us were trying to end the friendship, we just grew apart. I wouldn't suggest going out of your way to avoid them, or facebook blocking them, that's just a fight waiting to happen. If you have a big reason for ending the friendship, then I wouldn't find anything wrong with having a break-up talk, but it could go bad, depending on the person's personality. It's really up to you, but I know how you feel. I've had some bad friendships that I had to end, and it kinda sucks at first, but in the end it'll be what's best. :) I hope it helped!