If someone has lost a significant amount of weight, is it ok to flower them with comments on how good they look?
My daughter's teacher - best teacher ever! - has lost more than 50 pounds. I told her that she looked great, and that I almost didn't recognize her (which was completely true!) She gave me almost a pained look, and abruptly changed the topic. I didn't get a chance to ask what her trick was.
I was trying to flatter the most amazing person in my daughter's life, but instead I think I insulted her.
2013-05-31T03:46:42Z
Based on her reaction, I'm not going anywhere near that topic again. Pressuring her is out of character for me. Her reaction was simply opposite, I guess, than what I expected.
That's a touchy one. Most people prefer to be complimented. If you ask her how she did it, don't ask what her secret was; for most people, it's hard work and dedication to eating healthy, and for whatever reason, nobody ever believes that to be true. The other side of the coin is you're complimenting them now that they fit society's version of "beautiful" and it can be insulting to hear because the implication is they weren't good enough for you before.
Kinda funny - in a recent Dear Abby article, a woman with weight issues said she was motivated by a man who saw her running and said, "Keep that up, and you'll be a 10 in no time!" I thought that was incredibly rude.
On the flip side, if it's been a while since you saw her, maybe she lost the weight due to chemotherapy or depression from a divorce or death.
I have been on the receiving end of a weight loss compliment and my reaction is the opposite of the teachers reaction. This leads me to believe that perhaps this weight loss was not voluntary and perhaps the teacher has health issues she is afraid to divulge and therefore does not want to discuss her weight loss.
Perhaps stating that you did not recognize her insulted her previous appearance.
The teacher's personal health issues, self esteem issues might be much deeper, and trickier than anyone could possibly know looking from the outside or knowing her only in a professional fashion.
All most people can give you on why she reacted that way, is speculation. Most people would be glad to receive the compliment. Since she wasn't there's probubly more to the story, I wouldn't press the teacher too hard about her personal issues.