When me and my wife meet my brother and his wife for dinner, is it rude...?
When me and my wife meet my brother and his wife for dinner, if they get to the restaurant before us, they order an appetizer and are usually almost done with it when we show up... and I tend to feel a little put-off... like "Why didn't you wait for us? Are we dining together or what?"
I'm not all that upset... but would must people find that behavior odd or maybe a little rude?
2013-11-08T08:15:26Z
FYI at the very latest, we have been 15 minutes... but sometimes we show up on time and they got there early and are munching away... (they don't drink)
I mean... how hungry can you be?
SebastianS2013-11-08T09:30:04Z
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You are having dinner together, so, yes, it is rude to start eating without you. They should order a drink -- alcohol free in this case -- and have a chat while they wait. However, considering that this is a close relative of yours, it is not horrible of them to have a bit of a nosh while waiting for you.
As an only child I am often puzzled by sibling behavior. Someone with sibling will say how close they all are, how they have to accept everything about, and be willing to do anything for, each other, but then on the other they get all worked up over little things like this.
I would think that whatever my brother did was OK with me, as long as it was not criminal or hurtful/destructive, but then maybe I am idealizing sibling relationships.
Yes, I think that's inconsiderate of them, unless you're REALLY late, like half an hour or something. If they're so much on the edge of starvation that they can't wait for five or ten minutes, then they can munch on the free bread or something.
On the other hand, how late are we talking about? If you arrange to meet at 7:00 and you get there at 7:30, then they should feel free to get their own appetizer while they're waiting, but if you get there at 7:05 or something, then why can't they place the appetizer order at 7:00 so that it arrives when you do?
It seems as though the bigger issue here is why is there such a discrepancy between your arrival times that they can order and almost finish an entire appetizer before you get there? Maybe the four of you need to coordinate your schedules better, so you can meet at the agreed-upon time.
I agree with you, it is rude and unnecessary to arrive early, order and appetizer and chow down on it before the agreed upon arrival time. The most you were ever late was 15 minutes! I just might start turning down the opportunity to meet them for dinner. Some will regard this as a small point, but I feel it shows a much larger problem of inconsideration that is likely seen in other areas of the relationship.
I think it's a personal thing--as long as the other couple doesn't mind sitting and watching you & your wife order and then eat your appetizers, or they could order more drinks or another appetizer for themselves. You don't have to feel put out, just go at it as you would had they waited for you.
I have found manners on this subject to have sort of fallen apart for some time now. I think it's generally more accepted that dining manners are open to personal preference and personal interpretation.
I think it's a little rude, yes, but if your brother and his wife are the type that get really hungry, I would take it with a grain of salt (no pun intended).