My husband want total freedom. I'm going crazy... Should I try or should i b done ?? Help please !!?
We have been having problems for a couple of years. All kind of problems.and we got to the point where we started sleeping in different rooms for about 1 week, now.during that time he started acting different. So I went trough his phone and saw some emails that where kind of inappropriate between him an a co worker. So he told me that was going to stop.He proceeded to block his phone. Abt 3 days later he told me he had a late meeting . It was kind of fishy to me so I drove by his office and I saw the girl parked there ( it was 10:30 at night) .i whent crazy, came back home n put his clothes out.He was out for 3 weeks.He came home .very now and then but we only argued.But I miss him so much. I see that he is enjoying his freedom. He is out getting drunk etc.He got married at 17,and have been married since. I want to think that he is going through an early mid live crisis.he is 34. He worked with all men, but now there is a group if new faces ( girls) his age at work and he is all exited because he have new friends they go drinking together, it's inappropriate but he dosent see it that way, I'm thorn because it seem like he rather be about in the streets , but I don't want to kick him back up because I feel that if he is out completely,, I will loose him. And now he is saying that fe want a open relationship. Wth!!!This is so that if something ever happen (on his side) we won't have any problems.He want me to go out so that he can miss me. I'm always home it help if I go out ?
Anonymous2016-03-11T02:06:37Z
I just watched that movie the other day. I love it. I would have to say that I was about 20 years old. I had just split up with my high school boyfriend of 5 years and I was devastated. We were best friends for a really long time and planned on spending our lives together. He chose a really bad path in life and he wanted out of our relationship. I couldn't handle his drinking and bad lifestyle of violence. I couldn't handle anything at that point when I realized it was over. I went into a real deep depression and didn't want to live anymore. My sister and her husband took me in for like a year and did everything to help me through. It was the worse time of my life and I often didn't think I would make it. My heart was broken and I kept telling myself if I could make it through it then I would spend my life helping others like I had been helped by all my friends and family. I am now going to school to become an elementary teacher to help underprivileged children and I want to volunteer at a children's hospital. I now have a 2-year old daughter whom I almost miscarried which was another blessing in my life that I promised God if she made it I would make it up to Him... I have been through so much these past couple of years and it hasn't been easy. Once you make it through something so horrible you want to get out there to help others and make a difference.
I won't tell you what to do. No one here can (though they like to). We don't know the two of you in any way to judge.
Instead, let me tell you about open relationships (marriage) and what it means (I have had an open marriage for the past 35 years now and we are happy) because I suspect that neither of you do (sorry if I am wrong).
In order to have a successful open relationship or marriage it means the following fundamental elements must be followed: Honesty, Trust, Communications (between the two of you and between partners [you should be able to talk directly with a partner and time you choose and they should be able to talk to you]), Equality (whatever you both agree the ground rules are should apply equally to the both of you even though you or he might not take advantage of a ground rule, and the understanding that an open relationship not only includes sexual intimacy but emotional intimacy as well and you both need to accept that you and he can love and commit to someone else without affecting the relationship the two of you have. Well thought out open marriages where both partners are equally invested tend to be significantly more successful that traditional marriages (studies have show and I have found that to be true for me) BUT. Given your explanation trust, honesty, and communications are lacking to say the least and without that it is likely to be just a failed experiment leading to divorce.
Can both of you do that?
On the other hand, if it really isn't an open relationship but just hook-ups, one-time things, f**k buddies, friends with benefits it is much more likely to affect your marriage. The only way these situations (because they are not relationships in any way) work is if you are an equal participant. These situations ONLY tend to work because you are not seeking intimacy outside the marriage but the both of you are participating in sexual entertainment.
You should think long and hard about what you can accept either kind marriage and if that you can feel important, desired and loved by your husband. If you can not accept an non-traditional relationship (marriage) then your choices are limited to deciding stay with him in spite of the circumstances or accept a new marriage dynamic.
You were not wrong to look in his phone, trust your female intuition. If you want to work things out I would have him at home, not throw him out into the arms of another woman. What he did is not your fault but in order to work things out you might have to take the high road and let him know it hurt you without going off! He will feel guilty if you show him how devoted, loyal and faithful you are. Tell him up front that you will not tolerate infidelity but you want to work on things if he is willing to change, and if that's what you want give him a chance. Also, fix yourself up very nice and take him lunch a couple times per week. Be very friendly with these women and if they have any decency at all they won't act like a home wrecker anymore.
He is basically telling you that he does not want to be married anymore unless you let him have sex with other woman. Is this all you think that you are worth? Are you going to be able to ever trust or respect him ever again? You need to give him an ultimatum that he either acts like a married man or that you are filing for divorce and taking him to the cleaners. I know you care about him but he obviously cares more for himself then you.
Your husband really did get married too soon. If he's getting drunk & having sex with these girls, U need to B done. U don't want 2 catch anything he might have caught from any of them. Hope there's not children involved.