Should I feel guilty about not attending court with my husband for his child support arrears with ex-wife?
My husband's ex-wife keeps dragging him to court over $8,000.00 in arrears for child support. The kids are both grown, she is remarried and I have helped him time and time again to pay his payments since he is in construction and not always working. He expects me to help him because I'm his wife. I just paid $1,800.00 for him to make a required payment and get his license back, yet he is upset with me for not going to court with him. I would have had to miss two night shifts of work and didn't think it was necessary, yet his attorney made a comment about me not being there and he's upset that I wasn't. Also, I'm expecting a distribution from my pension and he thinks I should use the bulk of it to pay the balance. I don't know what to think and feeling confused.
The Original GarnetGlitter2014-12-30T16:07:20Z
No....these hearings are usually closed hearings, only the involved parties are in attendance and the Court would consider you a legal stranger who gets absolutely NO INPUT...it's between the Family Court, Your husband and his ex-wife. NO....ONE.....Else.
Also, this is your husband's financial obligation, not yours...he has a H@LL of a lot of nerve expecting YOU to support the children he made with another woman....on top of that, can you spell Dead Beat? Stop being his Cash Cow....he can get a second part time job if needed. This is HIS obligation and his alone and he obviously has been blowing off the COURT ORDER for a long time if he got his driver's license revoked. The Court seems to think he is capable of working and paying off this debt....I mean his kids had to eat, etc....and he helped make them...so why should that entire financial burden be upon their mother alone? Geeze Louise Woman, wake up and smell the Bull Sh*t he's shoveling out to you...if you accept it you are crazy.
The simple answer is no, you shouldn't feel bad. The reason why isn't going to be so pleasant to your ears, however. You married a dead beat dad. He had no problem making the kids, and he has no problem having you pay for them. His ex isn't "dragging" him to court. You say that as if it is unreasonable for her to ask him to pay for what he owes. If someone was supposed to pay you $8,000 ten years ago would you just say it doesn't matter to you any more because after all it was ten years ago? It's rare for someone to be stiffed out of $8k to just let that go.
I'm sure you love him and it's hard to admit, but he is taking financial advantage of you, just as he has done with his ex. His lawyer? The guy is a dirt bag who will be looking to you to pay those bills so he is putting the pressure on now. He knows you will cave in when it comes to disapproval so he is slathering it on. You aren't confused, you don't want to take what you have honestly earned and throw it at this man's kids, and I don't blame you. Frankly you should see a counselor because it sounds like your husband is emotionally blackmaling you along with his lawyer and you could use someone in your corner.
You had to work. It's not like you just flat out refused to go. Tell him you couldn't go because you had to work. If you don't work there's no money for his child support payments and he will lose his license again. Tell him you'll be happy to say the same thing to his attorney. I don't think you should feel guilty. You are making his payments so you are in fact there for him it's not like you're saying you want nothing to do with the situation. You've already proven your loyalty to him, you don't have to keep proving it in my opinion.
Honey, my heart sincerely goes out to you!! You're giving him ALL your hard earned money, now possibly even your pension to help pay for those you have nothing to even do with, or no doubt barely even know!! How much MORE "must" you give of yourself?!? No, I do not feel you should have any guilt for not being with him. After all, he did have his atty. with him, what actually would you have had to be there for in the first place?! You've already given, how much more must you give?! NOT to feel any guilt, honey...the best to you...:)
you should feel bad about being married to a man who wouldn't pay his child support when his children were younger. . and what kind of petty woman keeps going back to court over water under the bridge.... she should let it go and move on and he should get a more stable job