Need help with my thesis statement on California drought essay...?
So far I have "... Governor Brown had declared a state emergency back in January and said that it was "perhaps the worst drought that California has ever seen since records began about years ago." However, even with all the actions taken by the state to help prepare for water shortages, it still hasn't helped much. California's drought is only getting worse and even though we can't control the weather, we can...
And that's what I have. I don't know how to word it. "...we can prevent it from getting even worse." to me that sentence doesn't make sense. Any tips?
Trevor2015-04-27T19:00:14Z
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Just some random comments…
You’re right, the sentence “California's drought is only getting worse and even though we can't control the weather, we can prevent it from getting even worse” doesn’t make sense. It’s ambiguous regarding what we can prevent from getting worse, is it the weather or the drought? Also, can we really prevent either from getting worse.
I guess what you’re saying is that we can take steps to reduce the impacts and prevent the situation from getting worse. In which case… “California's drought is only getting worse and even though we can't control the weather, we can take steps aimed at reducing the impact of the drought”.
Some other points…
Usually the first time you bring a person into a report, thesis, statement etc you’d use their full name, consider starting with “Governor Jerry Brown…” and thereafter refer to him as “Brown” or “the Governor”.
“had declared a state of emergency” – you’re using past tense to describe a current event, the S of E is still in place; consider taking the word “had” out completely.
“back in January and said…” if you’re reading this in 5 years will you know which Jan, consider “in January 2015 and said…”
“since records began about years ago”, it was 100 years ago. Also Gov Brown didn’t use the word “began” but you need to add it to make sense, in which case put it in square brackets, consider “since records [began] about 100 years ago”.
“actions taken by the state” the state is California so should be capitalised, consider “actions taken by the State”.
“it still hasn’t helped much”, you’re referring to the actions taken, actions is plural, consider “they still haven’t helped much”.
“it still hasn’t helped much” or “they still haven’t helped much” is rather vague, consider something more specific such as “the situation remains critical” or “people are still struggling in the parched conditions”.
“California’s drought is only getting worse…” do you need the word “only” and also “getting worse” is the same as ‘worsens’, consider “California’s drought is worsening”.
Don’t know if this helps, just some thoughts from someone who’s had to write an odd thesis statement or two. Good luck.
If it's only getting worse, then you can't prevent it from getting worse. Global warming is likely to make the impact of drought worse. However, it will also provide more winter precipitation, thus reducing the amount of drought, as snowpack is a primary source of water in California. One thing you should mention is the amount of cheap water being given to farmers, which encourages them to grow water intensive crops like rice. California has been getting droughts for thousands of years, so it is not likely that the current drought is the worst ever, or even the worst recorded. Gov Brown lies about these things all the time, like when he said LAX would be flooded by global warming. One big impact factor you should mention is the increase in population which stresses resources.
'...we can do other things to more responsibly manage our water supply.' Especially since the drought in Cali is only partially to do with the changing climate. There are a LOT of things the elite aren't doing, and don't get me started on Nestle actively stealing water. I'm sure your research will uncover that bs soon enough.
You might want to start by reading the wikipedia entry on the 2012–15 North American Drought. [1] Secondly you might want to get your quotes correct. [2]
To mitigate the problems, water desalination is one option, Australia is doing this because there is no longer sufficient fresh water to sustain the needs of the population [3]