argument with my husband frustrating!?

Question

My husband & I got married without a car. My parents give us rides to work we pay them gas money. We've talking about buying a car from his brother, but the amount he wanted was too high & payments. We are behind bills that I paid all of along with his check. He doesn't look at the bills. So I talked with someone else about a cheaper car to buy & payments. I told my husband this he agreed. My husband told his brother I didn't want the car it made it seem like it was all my fought. The problem is his family I don't want them thinking bad about me. We argued about this. He didn't want to argue I could tell he was upset. He felt that we could made payments for his brother. I'm the 1 who handles the bills. My husband kept telling me to just drop it. His family is manipulative I just want my husband to have my back & say the truth the payments where to high. His brother was pressing us for money. The car was really old he not a mechanic seen the car nor has checked the mileage. I kept having dreams & getting a feeling we buy the car & it stopped working. My husband didn't want to argue so he stopped talking. I'm in the wrong. We're a low income family. So the place helps with low income bad credit, has mechanic everything. I felt so bad I just want my husband to stand up for me if his family badmouths me for something that isn't my fault. We stopped talking about it. We're going in to look in the car dealership. Please help. I'm so frustrated.

? · Accepted Answer

Deciding to get married when you can't even afford a hoopty car is bound to be frustrating.  What I can't understand is why you didn't think it would be frustrating.

If you handle the finances, your decision on this is final.  Your husband doesn't seem to care enough to even know what you can or can't afford.  He has no right to put all the stress of handling the finances on you, and then pout when you say that the two of you can't afford something.

? · Answer

24 hours is a bit excessive. If my partner and I have a heated argument, he will sometimes walk outside to cool off, or I will. But it's never for more than an hour. Sometimes we need the space to collect ourselves before the argument becomes a total disaster, thus making it a waste of time entirely. I would wonder why he is leaving for a whole day....and where he goes during that time.

seedy history · Answer

You stand up on your own two feet and you tell his brother that you can not afford his car. You stand on your own two fee and you tell his family you can not afford the car. You stand on your own two feet. That way your husband doesn't have to run around "standing up for you" because you've handled things like a adult in the first place. Your husband is not your puppet, he's your husband. He's there for you... he's just not there to pretend he IS you. Be an adult on your own two feet. You'll get respected for it.

? · Answer

Don't feel bad.  He's just reacting out of being pressured by his family.  Remember, he's been with his family his whole life and they've always had his back, so it's hard to instantly flip a switch and choose you over them every time.  Over time, your relationship should grow such that he won't be immature about it as he's being now.

SLJ · Answer

He is not going to tell his brother the price is too high, that will just cause more arguments - I would drop this. On the other hand you have the right to buy a car that you both want and not just him..

argument with my husband frustrating!?

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