Self harm-I need someone who will actually talk to me about this.?
So about a month ago I self harmed myself on my wrist. It was my third time doing it. I haven t done it since and I m not going to. My boyfriend has accidentally seen the marks, and all he does is tell me I m stupid and that if he ever sees it again that he ll leave me, and uses it against me in any argument we have, we ve been together for almost 2 years and I can t even talk to him about it because he just jumps down my throat. I also haven t talked to my mom about it and I don t plan on it either because I know she d be pretty mad at me about it, so I ve been covering them up but it s summer time so it s pretty difficult to do. I just need someone who understands and who can just leave me a good helpful answer with some advice. It s driving me crazy not having anyone who understands.
rosalita2016-06-15T12:36:51Z
Favorite Answer
First of all you should break up with your boyfriend. That might sound harsh, but anyone who would react that way to finding out that someone he cares about is in pain and harming herself is not someone you should be dating at all, let alone during a difficult time.
I'm probably not the best person to advise on self harm, because I started doing it as a teenager and still occasionally do it (but very rarely), and I honestly never found that it had a hugely negative impact on my life. Anytime I've done it it's been more of a symptom of whatever difficult time I was going through, but I never viewed it as an issue in itself. This is probably not healthy but since I hardly ever do it anymore it's not a very pressing issue for me. But here's an important caveat: I've never, ever had suicidal thoughts, and for me personally, self-harm has not been a slippery slope towards suicidal thoughts (I think a lot of people assume that all self-harm is related to suicidal thoughts so I wanted to make that distinction). It's always been about having so much emotional pain that the only thing that helped was to inflict some physical pain to distract and ease the burden a bit. If you're having suicidal thoughts, you should seek help immediately. The national suicide hotline is 1-800-273-8255 and there are regional ones too. I'm serious about this. Suicidal thoughts should absolutely be taken seriously, always.
If it's just the self-harm with no suicidal thoughts, I think you should still try to get help but you can proceed more cautiously. I understand not wanting to tell your mom. I never told mine, as I'm sure she would have freaked out and made it a much bigger deal than I felt it to be, which would not have been helpful. But what you could do is tell your mom that you're feeling down lately and that you'd like to talk to a therapist. When you break up with your boyfriend (and I'm serious about that too—you really have to break up with him) that would be a good time to explain to your mom that you'd like some support from a professional. If you can't afford therapy (and check your insurance, it might cover at least a diagnostic session, and if you end up getting a diagnosis [depression, bipolar, anxiety are all possibilities for what you're dealing with] the insurance might cover continued sessions), see if your school has a guidance counselor you could talk to. If you disclose to them that you're self-harming there's a good chance they'll jump at the chance to help you, since no school wants to see a student fall through the cracks during a difficult time.
You will get through this. Look for support wherever you can find it, whether it's from friends, family, a therapist, whatever helps. You're not alone!
1) You need a counselor. This is not something you can battle alone. Your school will probably have a counselor, or you can to a free one elsewhere.
2) You have to determine if you boyfriend is just being a jerk, or if he is trying to help. For him, the only way he feels he can get you to stop is to use it against you. That being said, he should NEVER be calling you stupid. You need to decide if he is healthy for you, or if he is a toxic person.
3) Realize these will scar for life. You will be unable to hide them forever. You will be 35 years old, and still have these scars.
4) If you trust your mom, please tell her. You will need all the support you can get.
5) Self harm occurs for usually two reasons: 1) A cry for attention/help. 2) The person does not have proper coping skills. You need to find healthy ways to cope with stress. Read a book, do some art, sing out loud, have a bath, bake cookies, whatever is healthy and works for you.
I'd suggest dropping the boyfriend, for starters. While it is entirely understandable to be upset to find a romantic partner engaging in self-harm, referring to said partner as "stupid" and threatening to leave is the sign of a crappy partner... if not actually abusive. The fact that you've apparently had *multiple* arguments where ending the relationship has been bought up in the course of a *month* tells me that it's time to move on.
There are options for people you can talk to. A school guidance counselor might be one. But for any more serious people (a real therapist) you probably would need to get your mom involved. I'd suggest saying "Mom, I've had some occasions when I have hurt myself. I don't want to do this but I need help."
Self harm IS usually quite curable. It's just a question of learning healthier ways to cope with stress or other negative emotions.