Is this considered rape? Was I right to break up with him?

Question

I've been dating this guy for almost 4 years. I just found out that he has been taking advantage of me when I pass out drunk. Yesterday I faked it to see what would happen. He got me on the bed then started doing it without a condom. I turned around and as soon as I did, he turned around too and said he was just trying to get me into bed so I could go to sleep. That's what he always said before when I was too drunk to know any better. I told him I was faking to see what he would do and he finally confessed. He eventually told me it was always a fantasy of his. I felt disgusted and hurt. I broke up with him and now he is heartbroken. I really loved this guy we've been through everything together like graduating high school, getting our license and starting college. Would this be considered rape even though we've been together so long? Did I overreact? What should I do from here?

Needful Sinner · Accepted Answer

"Would this be considered rape even though we've been together so long?"

Yes it is rape, that is what non-consensual sex is

"Did I overreact?"

You know, that is a real real tough one to answer.
Obviously 95% would say 'it was rape so no you didn't overact"... that said it was your boyfriend, no harm came to you or was intended, he was acting out a fetish fantasy; and people do have fantasies - his big sin was not being honest about them could be a counterpoint.
(in his mind he wasn't cheating, having sex with you isn't anything you'd ordinarily object to, he minimized what he was doing.. he just knew it was kind of pervy so felt embarrassed my guess)

"What should I do from here?"

That balances against 'I really loved this guy we've been through everything together like graduating high school, getting our license and starting college'
I've had girlfriends do things to me I was perfectly justified in breaking up if not charging them over it and always figured I would under the circumstances but didn't for my own reasons; they learned a lesson and never failed me again plus our relationship survived a make-or-break thing.

Interesting thing... what he did some people are doing jail time over while others do it as an everyday kink sex act... the only difference, the ones doing the kink consent to it.

Is this considered rape? Was I right to break up with him?

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