Am I wrong for leaving my boyfriend to pursue other things? I feel guilty but also trapped ? Any advice would help honest advice?
so I've been with my boyfriend for almost 9 years now. So practically all of my early 20's. (I'm not 30 yet) Anyway, he is a great guy, considerate and I do love him dearly. However, I feel like I am not doing much these days. Like he just got his feet together and is working 2 jobs like he wanted to make money and do what he loves which is handicapping. (Horses) anyway, we moved from the city to a rural town and there is nothing to do up here really, except for work..am I wrong for feeling this way? I feel guilty but i also don't want to look back and regret not living my life.... I already go back and forth to NY for a part time job and to see family but I know he doesnt like me being away, but when I'm in town there is nothing to do. I feel stuck. :( should I try to get a job in ny... also some more insight, I'm not trying to blame my boyfriend at all, so hopefully it isn't coming across that way. All he does is work now and we hardly ever go out and do things together and it doesnt help were in a small town where there isnt much to do. I have a friend in NYC who will help me get work even though yea I know I can get work here but I feel like there will be more opportunity out there to meet people and do things. Am I wrong for feeling this way? For wanting to have my fun?
BeatriceBatten2019-06-20T18:53:14Z
Feelings aren't wrong. You may feel however you want to feel about the situation.
It's OK to tell him that you aren't happy in your current town and would like to talk about moving.
It's OK to express frustration that you guys never see each other because of work, and ask him to help you think up a new plan where you can see each other more and both make enough money to get by.
It's OK to break up with him. You don't have to stay together just because you've been together a long time. You don't have to stay with him just because he's a good guy. You can love someone very much but still wind up breaking up because it's just not working out.
If both partners agree to it, there's nothing wrong with a relationship where they only see each other every so often, and otherwise lead separate lives. But, again, you BOTH have to agree to that, and it doesn't sound like he wants that.
Think about some ways you can possibly fix this problem, talk to him about it, see if he's interested in a change or compromise, and go from there. If you guys are unable to find an answer or if he's not interested in changing things up, then you may have a difficult decision ahead of you.
Step one is communicate with your boyfriend about how you feel. Tell how unhappy you are and that you are not going to continue in the way much longer. Will he be willing to compromise? Is he so focused on himself that you don't matter?
Then you can decide what to do. If he doesn't care about your happiness then move on.
The relationship has run it's course and you have different wants/needs in life. That's normal in a relationship you've started as a teen or young adult once you start to mature into full adulthood.
However, is he aware of your feelings on where you are living right now? This might be something which can be fixed with some simple communication.
My ex-husband and I started dating when we were 16, got married at 22 and divorced at 28. We grew up together and were each others first everything, but we also grew apart together. We got along okay and he was a good guy, he just wasn't the right guy for me long term. We did though have 2 small kids so we initially were just going to stick it out until they were done with school but that wasn't going to be fair to anyone and I didn't want them think that type of relationship/marriage was what normal was. So we decided to divorce while they were young to lessen it affecting them as much. They were young enough that they don't remember us living together and they've grown up with both of us, just in different homes.
I've been remarried for many years and my husband couldn't be more perfect for me. He's good to my kids and treats them as his own and they don't remember him not being there for the most part. He also gets along well with my ex. If I hadn't decided to walk into the unknown and leave a marriage where we were basically just friends, I wouldn't have met him.
It sounds like you're not ready to live the settled down life. Not that I'm saying you're a party girl, just saying you still haven't figured things out all the way. It does suck that you live in a small town where there is nothing to do. I don't think it;s entirely wrong to leave him, it's your life. Does it suck for him cuz he's doing what he likes? Yes. Sometimes life just pulls people apart.