My transgender daughter (M to F) is not accepted by my best friend s husband?
How would you (or how HAVE you) handled this situation? Before my daughter (let s call her Sam) transitioned, my best friend and her boyfriend lived nearby. Though there was an age difference (13 and 32), Sam and Doug got along really well. They talked about and played video games together, went shopping for my Mother s Day present, etc. Now that Sam has transitioned to female, Doug doesn t want anything to do with her. He has even stated that she is not to be on his property and is never allowed to be in contact with his one year old child. Why would someone who previously had a relationship with Sam behave this way? Do you have any insight? What did you do in a similar situation?
2019-08-24T03:07:19Z
ETA: My best friend is now married to Doug and they have a baby.
Anonymous2019-08-24T11:57:15Z
Favorite Answer
My guess is Doug is a transphobe.
You have several things that could possibly going on:
Doug was taught super rigid gender roles as a child and can't accept any change.
He may be confusing being trans with being gay and he doesn't like gay people.
He may be thinking YOU made your child trans.
When it comes to trans women many men have an irrational castration fear. They can't understand why any "man" would do that to themselves. In short, he doesn't understand your daughter was never male. He can't accept her truth that she's actually female and always has been. As a result he can't understand the pain and torment that she went through to get where she is now (happy and healthy). .
For your daughters own safety, keep them from seeing each other. When you see your friend, make sure she doesn't bring him along. Whether she brings the infant with her is her business.
Unfortunately homophobia is a reality. In some countries we are killed outright. In some states we can be legally fired for being lgbt. Look at what president bone spurs is trying to do now with trans in the military. Bigotry in any of its forms should never be tolerated. There are times when it is appropriate for mother to have to turn in to a grizzly bear to defend her cubs. I think this is such a time. Stand up for your child and build up her self esteem. You can’t control what goes on in that man’s house - but you do have a say for what goes on in yours. Please also try to make sure your daughter is involved in any gay youth groups in your area.
That's an awful way to treat a young person regardless of whether it's because they're trans or not.. if your best friend is allowing this douche to treat your child this way, perhaps you should reconsider the friendship.