I’ve been married for 13 years and about 10 of those I’ve developed tight close friendships with several women. I’m a touchy type of guy with my close female friends and flirty and am also a bit of a people pleaser.
In the past I’ve had female friends whom have been very flirtatious and sexual with me, there was no sex though. I’ve always seen it as just having a good time, my wife trusts me and I trust her, I know when to cut things off.
Problem is, about 2 years ago, I started working at a new firm. I met a woman there who, well, she didn’t mince words, she liked me and let me know it, as well as being vocal about liking me to other co workers. It’s a laid back firm, plenty of other co workers have dated each other there and married. Problem is, she’s single and am married. At first I turned down her advances and didn’t respond to her compliments. But with time and not having a great marriage, I started to reciprocate and flirt, be touchy, and started hanging out with her at work.
Things escalated were we would be kissing and touching each other under our clothes and eventual actual sex. After every time we touched, I felt guilty coming home to my wife, but while it was happening I was just in the moment. I told myself each time that it’d be the last time, but it wouldn’t last because she was on me everyday and wouldn’t listen to no. I gave in time and time again.
I really didn’t like the job plus we were getting too close so I ended up leaving.
2020-11-10T00:08:39Z
Before I left I was trying to make peace with her and told her we would keep in touch and that I cared about her but we couldn’t see each other again, she seemed to be upset for some reason, I mean, she knew I was married, I told her I love my wife and she wasn’t worth my marriage ending.
Well, now she’s not leaving me alone, she’s coming to see me at my new job and texting none stop.
She’s going to ruin my marriage, I made it clear am not divorcing my wife. What more can I do ?
2020-11-10T00:09:21Z
She also had the nerve to tell people at work about me cheating on my wife with her
serves you right. I hope she tells your wife and that she dumps you for it. What a wonderful way to honor your trusting wife by cheating on her. Heres some advice...keep it in your pants and you won't have to deal with things like this. But if you honestly want to work things out you better come clean with your wife, beg for forgiveness and take your punishment for as long as she dishes it out. Some women will be hurt and blame themselves. If you have one of those you'll get let off the hook pretty easy. BUT some women will be angry and want to hurt you. If you love her accept that its your fault and let her be angry til she feels better. Absolute worst thing you can do is let her find out from the other woman than lie more. The truth always comes out. Start building trust again. You'll have to earn it this time and she likely won't make it easy.
Time to go into damage control mode - immediately. First of all, think of the ways she might be able to hurt you, calculate how you're vulnerable and then protect yourself in those areas.
Number One: She can (and most certainly will, eventually if you let her) approach your wife directly. Both you AND your wife need to take out a restraining order against her right away. This will hopefully dissuade her from calling either of you, messaging you, mailing letters to the house, trying to come to your home, etc. Get on that right away and be ready to provide evidence that things have escalated and you honestly feel the need to be proactive. Your wife might not like you having to come clean in front of other people and expounding about all of the details, but it is what it is. You're the one who got involved with another woman and created the problem, this is what you'll need to do to fix it. Get the cops involved right away, don't wait. Now.
Number Two: You're going to have to make the situation known to people at your new job. Tell your manager or your boss that you've been having problems with a stalker who's infatuated with you and refuses to take no for an answer and ask what can be done to make your workplace a safer environment. If you work for a company or a business where customers are permitted to walk in right off the street, tell your superior that this has become a police matter and you want to have somebody make it clear to this woman that of she shows up she's not going to be welcome and that harassing you or any other employee is not going to be tolerated and the police will be called as soon as she shows up.
Once the cops tell her to stay away from you and she gets the message that she's no longer allowed to harass you at work, that should make it clear to her that it would be best to let the whole thing go. I highly doubt that she would be willing to have charges filed against her and have to go through that mess, so it ought to be enough to prevent the whole thing from spiraling out of control.
She sounds like the vengeful type. Better to err on the side of caution. Get a cheap timer and install it on a lamp in the kitchen or living room and set it to come on at an odd time, say in the middle of the night in case this nutter decides to vandalize your car or break your windows or poison your dog or something. Motion activated lights are never a bad idea either. If you feel the danger has passed in 3 or 6 months, just remove those things, but spending the $100 now is better than dealing with a bigger problem later. Picture windows and windshields are not something you want to replace, never mind a beloved pet.
Lastly, learn a lesson from this, my man. You say that you don't want to divorce your wife, but you also say that it's not a happy marriage. You must have some reason for wanting to stay with the missus - kids, finances, or you're just too cowardly to make a clean break. Whatever it is, you've either got to have a talk with her and come to an arrangement about how you can both be happy and fulfilled or you've got to try to love each other again and have a real marriage. Or you've got to throw in the towel and call it a day. No matter what you decide, don't get involved with a crazy one again. Be smarter.
Honestly, cheating can lead to things like these. She is going to continue to harass you, call you, etc. Women are not the same as men. They believe that when you are with them, you are only with them.