I am 19. A week ago, I was thriving in life. New job, good grades, making new friends. Going to the gym and trying to get bigger. Today, my life has turned upside down. I am a gay male, not open, but have always been. about 6 days ago, I started to think I had gender dysphoria. The reason for this? Because when I express myself to certain people, I sometimes do feel more feminine. I do have a bossy, sassy, attitude, mainly around males. Around women, I tend to feel more masculine. I do listen to women podcasts, and will often use their articulate words and expressions in my own speech. I do the same for males as well. I have never woken up one day in my life and thought I was in the wrong body, nor have I ever hated my genitals. Nor have I ever wore girls clothes, or wanted to. I do have body confidence issues thought and will often compare myself to other boys my age.
My mind is a wreck now. I spent hours reading online about this, which only makes my anxiety and fear worse. I constantly feel distressed, and am stuck in a cycle where I think I'm just a gay male, then I think I have this disorder. I am to the point where I am not even thinking straight and am hyper-fixated on every aspect of my life. Should I wear this? Or that? I am now looking at myself in the mirror constantly as well, trying to find validation to make sure I look normal. I need some honest advice. I am seeking a therapist, but won't see them till next week. I want to go back to my life before this chaos
ღAmaya#3ღ2021-04-07T23:41:44Z
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Do you have OCD? There is a specific type of OCD that's commonly known as HOCD. Which stands for homosexual OCD. And is basically all about straight OCD sufferers channeling their OCD into hyper obsessing over: "what if I'm gay, though?" Even though they're VERY obviously only attracted to the opposite sex! But the pain and mental torment, as well as the constant OCD "checking" routines, are 100% real!
To me, based on my own knowledge and experience..? (I'm a nurse, someone who's just generally interested in mental health, and someone who's got a partner that suffers from several severe mental illnesses. One of them being "pure O" OCD.) It sounds like you've most likely got this, (although I can't diagnose you, obviously), but the trans version of it! Call it TOCD, if you will.
EDIT: just did some research. Apparently, it's a recognized form of OCD, (much like HOCD is), and people DO in fact call it TOCD! Just do a Google search, and you can read more about it, and connect with other sufferers. Anyway, a brief description of it exists HERE: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/transgender-ocd-symptoms-and-treatment
..I feel your pain. I think your best bet would be seeing a psychiatrist! Who is decidedly NOT a toxic crock of sh*t / snake oil salesman "gender therapist"! As they are only supposed to go by the paradigm of "affirmative care", these days! Asking NO critical questions, doing NO differential diagnosis, and showing NO f*cking medical responsibility, whatsoever! When a dysphoric patient shows up..? They're just supposed to loudly cheer, and say: "you are so BRAVE, darling!! Here, have these hormones, and tons of surgeries, that will irreversibly f*ck up your body! In a delusional attempt to make it something it can in fact never be! And let's not worry about complications or side effects, and not even slightly question WHY you feel such a strong urge to change your body, to begin with! If it could, in fact, be rooted in trauma, internalized homophobia, dissociation, past sexual abuse, some comorbid mental condition or other, or getting tons of crap for being naturally gender non-conforming! No.. let's just go along with your newly discovered self-identity, that in fact has NO root in actual, biological reality, because YAY, political correctness!!" Or.. Most likely, they won't say it THAT way! But you get the gist. :P
Also, a gender therapist will probably be fairly useless to you, because what you're struggling with is NOT actually dysphoria! More like obsession and confusion. And like I said..? I'm personally pretty dang sure it's OCD, and more specifically, TOCD. Although again, I cannot officially diagnose you. But the good news is: there are treatment options for OCD! That do NOT require risky cross-sex hormones and invasive surgeries! There are psych meds, though. But those are only optional. Many OCD sufferers manage without psych meds, too. Get thee to a therapist! That would be my recommendation.
Also, ya know what..? GENDER CRITICAL FEMINISM!! Get into that, and it may just cure you of your incessant "gender identity" worries, more or less instantly! Although.. has the side effect that the trans activist / SJW hive mind will start seeing you as an awful TERF, and may conspire to cancel you. :P
There is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with being an effeminate gay man. Do not let anyone suggest that you have gender dysphoria or are trans. Doing so would ruin your life.