Did you spill my pint?

My a*s is so large that it was impossible for me to avoid upending your beverage in the cramped conditions of this dank watering hole.

I will not apologise.

You should have noticed my preposterously gargantuan dimensions and taken appropriate action to avoid an event such as is.

It is you who should apologise to me, as I now have a stain on my 58 inch waist slacks from the spillage of your filthy libation that makes me look like I cannot control my bladder.

I demand that you lick the sweat from the rolls of my flabby belly as penance.

No, but I'm always up to sharing a few pints with friends.

No, nothing worse than seeing a pretty female drinking a pint. (Well Ok there's loads worse in reality, but you know what I mean!)

No, coz I can handle my drink. Not like you and your girlfriend.. I've had 15 pints of stella, I have.

Nah, nah you're alright. You're me best mate. My missus doesn't understand me.. etc.

No - I drank it. Let me buy you another. Black & Tan was it?

Or would you prefer a nice pint of bitters?

No, I drank it and then used the glass to remove the ugly bloke at the bar's internal organs.

Nope... but I'll spill the beans on who did... it was you, you chump... when you fell on the floor after the 18th glass:-)

heh, sorry, spilling pints is what I do, do you fancy a " worm do?"

Yeah, I'm afraid some has splashed onto your cleavage. I'll just dry you off.....

Na mate, it was that gorgeous red head that just went by.