How do you handle a defiant 5 year old?

Well first off remember all that she has been thru. It is gonna take a lot of time and patience to get thru this. Well you know now what you are doing is not working.

Ok first of do you think you are expecting too much of this little girl? Right now what this little one needs more than anything is lots of love- time for hugs, time spent with her on her level playing and listening to her, taking a positive approach instead of any negative approach to discipline. If I knew exactly what it was that she was doing then I could give you an example.

I can tell you what we do with our 6 year old that seems to work.

I help her clean and make a fun game out of it. My daughter loves to clean, but this is because we started teaching her at a very young age where your Daughter had not learned this yet so you will have to treat it as if she is a Toddler just learning and help her.

Help her. Let her know that we need to clean up now and help her. See who can pick up more in a certain time- you can get a special colorful timer and set it for 5 minutes or however long. Get open container that she can throw all her stuff in and put up on a shelf by herself. By being organized in the first place will help things be easier to clean up in the future. Reward her with lots of hugs and praise. Thank her for helping out.

Whenever she is done playing with one item then it needs to go away. Help her until she can do this on her own no matter how long it takes. It will take time.

If you continue to treat her with respect she will learn over time to treat other with respect.

Sit down and have quiet time every night with her or whenever you can. Having a time in the home that is quiet and unrushed helps with her spirit and mind. It will help her relax.

Build up a trust. Let her know that she can talk to you without fear of ridicule. She will build up that trust overtime.

My Sister and Brother and adopted and it was hard at first, but they made it thru. Their Daughter is now 9 and things are going so well. She has learned to trust, love, and touch without fears.

Please just give it time. Treat her like a little bird that has a broken wing. Take care of her and overtime she will come around and be able to trust someone again. All that abuse has broken her spirit. You are good people to adopt an older child with a bad background.

Do lots and lots of praying for patience. You will make it with the Lord's help.

you are going to have to let her know that you love her even though she is misbehaving, and make sure she knows shes there to stay! And also keep in mind that just cause she was abused doesnt mean you cant spank her, but it should be a very last resort, shes 5,you only want things to go up from here, when she gets home from school have her do her home work, when shes done with that spend some one on one time with her, you two need to bond, she also needs to spend one on one time with her dad, to make her feel like she belongs theere, she may be acting out just for the attention, bad attention is still attention!

First, its a tough sitiation with her being in a new home with a new family. This will take a lot of understanding and patience.

Second, a chore is an extra thing they do around the house. Keeping her room clean and lsitening should not be tasks she should be paid for, but expected of her to do. Things like cleaning up after diiner and feedinga dog is a chore.

Talk to her, let her know you have rules so she is safe and because you love her. Just like you have rules you have to follow. And that you expect her to treat you like you treat her.

It will take time!

Personally, I do not believe in "paying" children for responsibilities or for good behavior. But........

This child obviously has had a rough start. I have never been in the same situation as you, therefore I can not say what will work best. All I can say is to be consistent, no means no each and every time.

She has only been with you for 4 months. It will take precious time to undo the damage caused her in the past. It may take her months of trying the same thing until it works. Nothing will work immediately.

Consistency and perseverance..........and of course love and patience. Best wishes!

She's totally testing you. Stick to your guns on the time out! I've learned so much from Super Nanny...sounds silly, but she's great! Reward her when she's good and let her know that's what you expect. Build her up (I'm sure you do) and tell her how beautiful / smart she is. She doesn't have a real reality on money yet, so that may not work for now.

Or you can do what my mom did...she used to teach me by observation. Look at a bad kid and say "I bet they don't listen to their mommy and daddy. They have no chance." Or when you see a good girl at a restaurant, point her out and what a lady she's being. My mom used to drive me in the ghetto and tell me that these kids didn't go to college and would never have a life. I sure as hell ran to college! I'm all about teaching my example.

Consistency, Patience, consistency..... stick to your rewards, stick to your punishments.

Teach her that you love her, you have fun with her, you laugh with her, and you are very serious about her behaving. I used this strategy with my high school students, and honestly, sometimes it was very hard to stick to my punishments, or to stick to what I said I would do. (I'd kick myself -- ughhhh why did i say that was the punishment -- but I'd say something overly strong to deter them from misbehaving, then much to my *surprise* they'd test me, and I'd have to stick to my ridiculous proclamation. After a couple of those times, they took me very seriously. I established credibility.).

Same expectations from both parents. Respect-based parenting. When she does something wrong, sit her down, and talk to her about what she did, why it was wrong, how to improve..... seems silly at such a young age, but she will either A. start to understand, or B. behave so she doesn't get a lecture :)

I don't have children, so this may all be hot air!! My parents used this with all 4 of us, and we have always been respectful. Good luck, and congratulations on adopting.

my answer may not mean a whole lot of importance, but u should prolly have her see a counciler or sit down and discuss the issues with her to see if you can find anything out about why she is acting this way. Good luck, she may not improve imeadiatly, but it will help with your communications skills with her to see if you can work something out. Good luck!

I would say when you talk to her go down to her level and speak calmly to her about what shes doing wrong.

I know my niece is like that too. (but is four) what we do to her is go down to her level when she does something wrong, tell her she is going in her room for 10 minutes, and when I go in there I'm going to give you a slap on the bum. She spends the whole time anticipating the smack on the butt that she calms right down and doesn't want to do anything bad. When you go in the room only tap her once on the butt (NEVER smack her hard!) The anticipation is enough for a punishment.

Its going to take time but you need to stay consistent. She was abused and needs to feel loved and wanted and to know that just cause she is bad that you will not beat her or throw her away to another family. My parents adopted a boy and he was a terror.........he is much better now, he just needed to adjust.

I would try simply asking her if there is something bothering her. She probably has a lot going through her head being adopted and abused. Sometimes thats all it is and because you said she just started it makes sense.