Any ideas? Additions, or critiques on this poem? Feel free to critisize. ?

Question

If those who love bleed,
Then why do they plant that seed?
Why do they invest in someone's heart?
And watch their life fall apart,
Lock up their heart and swallow the key,
In the end its an endless flee,
Filled with cheating and lies,
As the time flies,
Staring out the window pane,
Feeling helpless almost without a brain,
Tears rolling down a cheek,
Like a running leak,
Wondering and hoping when she'll be there to stay,
All you can do is sit there and pray,
Only a certain few,
Know the glory of love that is true,
The certain beautiful thing,
Not just a one night fling,
Something more,
That brings you from rich to poor,
But when she loves you for you,
Thats the chance i wish i never blew.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

hugs! i liked it. i feel your pain.

roxanne k · Answer

I feel a little mixed up reading this. You talk of love in the first three lines.Then in lines 4 to 12 they are feeling hurt, hope is lost? then lines 13 and 14 you want her back? Then the rest of it talks of the kind of love you know is out there, but the last line leaves me wondering - is this poem about choosing the wrong girl? And then one last thought, line 20 - maybe should read : That brings you to riches from poor,.  I'm trying not to be too critical, but maybe a few more periods and not so many commas. Don't give up, it was interesting reading. Good Luck! :)

Anonymous · Answer

the last 4 lines seemed different and out of place from the rest.. but overall it is a nice poem. i liked it :)

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Any ideas? Additions, or critiques on this poem? Feel free to critisize. ?

3 Answers