Why won't my girlfriend stay overnight in my house where the ashes of my wife are?

Why do people insist on hanging onto the ashes of dead relatives? It seems morbid and it would freak me out too if my boyfriend did that. Give your late wife a proper burial and get on with your life. Obviously you are over your mourning period so what's the deal?

I'm not sure that her response is respectful to you or even reasonable. There are several possible reasons why but, without knowing the details of your relationship, here are my thoughts.

First, what are the alternatives in this situation? That you get rid of the ashes of your ex-wife or move somewhere and not bring them with you? That's clearly not reasonable.

It's tempting to dismiss your girlfriend's response as melodrama but it may be that she feels threatened or that your ex-wife's memory is something that she can't live up to.

So let's go down that gentler road.

You did not divorce your ex-wife so it's reasonable that you may still have feelings for her.

I noticed that you refer to the ashes of your wife, as though she is still your wife. If you often speak of her, if you often tell your girlfriend of the great times that you had together, your girlfriend may feel either that you haven't completely gotten over her or that she was such a great wife that she couldn't take her place.

If you're still not over your ex-wife's passing - and that may be quite reasonable depending on how long it's been since - you may not be ready for a committed relationship. That may be quite normal but it may help to get some grief counselling.

If your ex-wife passed away some time ago and you're still grieving, again, some counselling may help you through the pain.

No one should minimize the pain that you feel at this loss. But you owe it to yourself and to your wife's memory to keep living your life.

If you are over her passing, assuming that this is a fairly new relationship, it may be that your girlfriend feels that she's competing with your ex-wife's memory and that's a heavy load for anyone to bear. How do you compete with a memory?

In this case, she'll need reassurance of your feelings for her. She needs to feel safe in the relationship, that you are sure of your feelings for her and that they are as serious as her own.

There's a slim chance that this is an excuse to avoid intimacy or even to ease out of the relationship. Calling this 'disrespectful and immoral' are pretty strong words and puts you in a difficult, and not really a fair, position. This may not be the girl for you but be sure to put in the effort to find out for sure.

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.

She's probably freaked out by the notion that the earthly remains of the woman you were once committed to are in the same building or room that she's in. Most people are freaked out by this sort of thing. I work in a hospice and deal with dead people on a regular basis; it pays well due in part to the fact that no one else wants to do it.

She is obviously creeped out. If you are serious about her, ask a relative to keep the ashes or rent a safe deposit box.

You should respect her feelings. This is an issue you two need to work out before you do anything permanent, though.

Do you want to move on with your life? Then do something with those ashes it would really freak me out

dude that is just freaky isent it obvious its like she is sleeping by a dead body