Answer my question to me it is really IMPORTANT!?

Question

I am 13 and I am writing my second story. I am wondering what version is better?

V1.
3 more months. Just 3 more months until graduation. I kept chanting in my head.
As I was getting up from my bed, my mother comes barging in with something in her hand. She slaps down the object down on my dresser.
“Meghan come and read this article now!” My mother spat in a intense angry voice.
I walked to the dresser to see a magazine laying open with a screaming headline about me.
“Read it, and tell me if this is true or not.” My mother said stiffly.
“ Meghan Hough was seen parting last night. The party was at her best friends house were 1,000 people were invited with no adult supervision. Sources report the teens were consuming alcohol (See picture on the right). Meghan was reported to be dirty dancing with a boy, this boy was not Matthew Parker. Matthew Parker was reported to not be at the party. Maybe, this explains why 17 year old Meghan to flirt with the mysterious boy.” I read aloud.
“So is this true Meghan? About you at this party? About you flirting with a boy?” My mother said with anger raging in her bright blue eyes.
“ No, Mom this stuff is utterly false.”
“ Than explain the pictures to me. These pictures show me the proof! You are totally lying young lady! Explain it to me than I won't ground you.”
“Mom, those photos are photo shopped. Thats what the paparazzi do. Now, do you mind, I need to get ready for school.”
My mother looked so mad that she would haul of and hit me.

V2.
The lights were glistening on the dance floor of the party. Music was blaring that you have to scream to one another in order to hear on another. The party is still awesome no doubt about it but it does have some flaws.
	Waiters and Waitresses walk around caring alcoholic beverages on a big shiny plate. Everyone would take the beverages as it came around us. 
	Josh and I danced most of the night on the dance floor. People looked at us with envy in their eyes. 
	Josh. A boy who is two years older than me and is completely good looking. His black hair shines under the lights. His dark brown eyes make me get lost in them each time our eyes lock. Josh is at least 6'0 or maybe a little taller. 
	I look at my phone's watch to check the time and it is 3 am in the morning. 
	Shoot mother is going to kill me if she doesn't see me in my bed in 2 hours. I thought
	“Josh, I got to go. I am sorry. I had a nice time dancing with you.”
	“Do you really have to leave.”
	“Yes.”
	“Why?”
	“Because my mother would freak out if she caught me out this late at night. She would probably ship me off to Bermuda!”
	I start to walk off to the limo but Josh pulls me towards him. His lips brushed up against mine. 
	Crap! Hopefully Matt doesn't find out about Josh and I kissing. If Matt finds out about this than he would probably dump me. I thought.
	I broke off the kiss. Josh protested wanting more to the kiss.
	“JOSH! I need to go. Like I said my mom will freak and I have school today.”
	“Ha! School.” He snorted then he looked at my facial expression. “You're serious aren't you?”
	“Hmm.. Let me check. Yes! I am!”
	Moments of silents occurred. I was about to walk to the limo but Josh broke the silence.
	“Your home schooled?” 
	“No. I go to public school.”
	“The one were Matthew Parker the other famous student goes too.”
	“Yes. You know what Josh, I have to go NOW!”
	I walked really fast to the limo ignoring anything Josh says.
	I look out the window watching the partying town to the sleeping town.
	The limo finally came to a halt. I quickly got out of the limo, and I closed the limos door silently.
	I crept into the house silently, trying not to wake up my mom and my other siblings.
	“Were wore you at Meghan.”
	“At a friends house.”
	My mothers face irrupted with intense anger.	
	“Meghan try again because I know you are lying to me and also you are wearing party close.”	
	“Seriously, mom I was at a friends house and we had a little fashion show.”
	“Meghan go to your room now!”
	“FINE!”
	“Oh, and Meghan give me your cell phone now.”
	I opened my purse and pulled out my cell phone. I handed her my phone.
	“ Get some sleep and when you come home from school me and you are going to have a nice little talk. Okay?”
	“Fine!”

Meghan is supposed to be rich and famous.
Both versions are rough drafts and I know there are errors and I am going to change V2 a little. Oh and plz critque me. Make suggestions I can handle it and no one can't scare me out of writing.

me · Accepted Answer

I Loved V2! It was really good, as you said it does have some errors in it as far as spelling, and which words to use, but everything else is WONDERFULL!! I like V2, much better than V1.

HOWEVER, I didn't really like the Synopis. It was very edgy, and well..
CORNY! I think you should do a lot of rearranging with that, because it was just kinda awkward compared to everything else.

And I also think you should change your characters age. It would be a lot easier on you. And it's also not realistic for a 19 year old that is RICH to still be living with her mom under a curfue, and have her phone taken from her. So you might want to change that. Your plot seems good, but there's a few things you might want to look over. If you want the main character to be a bit older, try 16. That's a age that will make a little bit more sense, and that won't be hard to do as a 13 year older!

Good Luck, and I wish you the best!!

arlette · Answer

Yes this is puberty. You are a man now. Start singing in a lower voice. High notes are for women. If you really want to keep the high notes and want to be a eunuch soprano, let the doctor cut your nuts.

aprilis2cute4u · Answer

they are both really good u have major talent

Anonymous · Answer

number 2 is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy better!

Anonymous · Answer

I like version one better. It's more...mysterious. It leaves the reader wondering if she actually did that stuff or if it was truly photoshopped. It's better than just telling the reader, like the second version. There are mistakes, but I'm sure you wouldn't want me to list them off (as you said, they are rough drafts and you are aware of the errors). Just fix the grammatical mistakes and spelling. Keep writing and good luck with your book (or books I should say) =)

Anonymous · Answer

I think V2 would work better, but that's just me.

And as you know, there are a bunch of grammar mistakes. Sorry, just had to point that out.

Oh, and about your synopsis. The line, "Reader, I will tell you that if you don't want to hear my story than close this book and read something more pleasant that make you smile and never make you angry." is slightly reminds me of Lemony Snicket. I'd find it to be better if that sentence was not included.

Best of luck!

horsingaround · Answer

like the first one

Kathryn W · Answer

In version 1, I don't understand why the media would single your lead character out to name and shame if there were over 1000 guests at the party - if your character is a celebrity or daughter of well known parents this needs to be made clear to the reader right from the start.

Otherwise, it sounds very interesting. A bit of a challenge though, writing a story about a 19 year old when you are 13?

I'd advise writing about people your own age. You'll be able to make the characters and situations a lot more believable.

Sorry if this sounds discouraging. Don't give up writing.

OHVicktoriaSteve · Answer

I love it! hehe keep it up.

I think as a start 1 would be better, V2 is too much detailed, Put V1 first and leave V2 as a flashback.

Red Star · Answer

I agree with Kathryn W, what you could put is something like.. "among those identified, Meghan Hough ..."
If she is under 18, her name cannot be released in the paper. It's good writing though, keep it up.

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Answer my question to me it is really IMPORTANT!?

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