How to convince mother it's time to go into assisted care accommodation?

This is a common problem today. Years ago, women stayed at home to do housework, farmwork, etc, and mom and grandmother, and sometimes elderly sisters and aunts lived together as one family. Now things are different. Each generation has its own house and live apart.

If their mother truely cannot take care of herself and is a danger to herself, i.e. is she forgetful enough to leave dinner on the stove and burn the house down, along with herself, or would she fall, and lay there sufferig? If so, I would suggest the family take matters into their own hands and have their mother evaluated by a case worker, and if necessary, declared incompetent. This sounds cruel, but sometimes it is necessary for the person's own good, and it is necessary for the family to take charge. To me, this shows love and concern for her, not cruelty.

Good luck to them!

I want you to give up your independence and then ask this same question. Think about this honestly, and what a difference you life would be like if you had to be around people that only wanted your money, and all your processions could be stolen. ( This happens 95 % of the time) The only thing they could do is maybe find someone that could help around the house and give them free room for watching out for her. Not someone that was really young, but someone that was closer to her age that needs some where to live and wants companionship the same as her. Remember that this is the woman that gave them birth, and if they can't help take care of her, then they are sorry people.

I hope i can help shed some light to your question.

I work with nurses on a daily basis and a lot of feed back and info we receive from the nurses is that anyone in general that is forced into assisted care withtout their consent tend to be worse off as they decline as its a sign that their independance is gone.

You pretty much have to look at it from your own eyes would u like to be forced into care when you dont want to be. Sometimes families do put their elderly relatives into care due to them becoming a burden on them. Before they get moved to assisted care units the elderly person should be fitted / given a panic alarm which connects to a nursing service which is able to be there and help the person concerned. Its a 24 hour service and it can be arranged that a home care nurse does make daily visits to the elderly person and assist them with daily chores like helping clean the home and bathing the person and dispensing medication. There are agencies that do provide this service and depending on what is evaluated they either spend a few hours a day with the person or come around every few days to make sure all is ok.

Dont force someone into care as many ppl decline and end up passing away due to this. Elderly ppl need to feel like they are taking care of themselves in their own homes. Your friends family obviously hasn't looked into these services as they are readily available and no some you dont pay for however most of these services you do. Your friend needs to look into and speak with these agencies and find the best agency to go with. These are all registered nurses and are capable of taking care of ppl in these situations and do on a daily basis.

They see and old house that she can't care for any longer. It may be that she sees the home where she lived happily with her husband. The rooms that were filled with her children's laughter. It's hard to leave that behind when you've lost so much else.

If she can't care for herself, and there is no other way to get her help the kids may have to apply more pressure to get their mom someplace safe for her. There are a lot of levels of assisted living houses, some that would allow her to have way more privacy and individuality, much like she has at home. But there are other options they could explore for at home help if she feels strongly about staying where she's comfortable for now.

Yes, I can understand. She is in her own home surrounded by her "stuff." She can do what she wants when she wants. There is no phony caregiver talking to her in baby talk and calling her honey.

Today's generation is one that moves frequently. They are fine with a change of situation. Our generation valued buying a home and staying put. Once you get to be our age, you don't want to leave that which you worked so hard to obtain. You remember the hours you put into painting the kitchen. How happy you were when you bought a new bedroom suite. And there are the knick knacks you brought back from your vacations that spark warm memories. But I'm supposed to give all that up because you can't help me?

Why don't they look into home health care since none of them seem to want to take the time away from their busy lives to take care of her.

Their mother and they want to put her away.

Put yourself in her shoes would you like it? that house is where her memories are. being a mum herself she was the linch pin of her family , she raised her children put food on their tables, nursed them ,taught them right from wrong stood by them through thick and thin, next thing she knows they want to pack her off, cos she s a burden? sorry but what a **** world. They have full time jobs so did she, being a mum a wife a nan all of her adulthood. sorry but i think family values, morals are missing here. in this day and age she could have some kind of home help ? God help us all cos time waits for no one,it comes to us all OLD AGE.

My personal guess would be that she is afraid that you want to just rid of her. Maybe she fears that she will be neglected and forgotten about, and that her family wants to just put her somewhere and forget about her.

Obviously that is never the case, but that dosent mean that she thinks the same as you. At other times people who are getting older are afraid to admit that they are aged and don't want to appear weak.

Good luck,

Sergey