Looking for Critique of Book idea, chapters.?

Question

A little set up. The story is an anthropomorphic tale about 3 cats who take it upon themselves to Patrol the kingdom (neighborhood) and help all its citizens(pets and local animals) as best they can. They follow Felix a self proclaimed Knight and protector of the realm. They being Judzia and Dax a non biological brother and sister pair of pets. well anything given I will accept thank you all. Forgive the poor paragraphing in my writing program its spaced and all correctly copy pasting makes it odd..


Night One

"Now, once more, I must ride with my knights to defend what was, and the dream of what could be."
Nigel Terry as King Arthur
Memorable Quotes from the film
Excalibur (1981)

	"Arrrgh" moaned the large striped tabby cat as he stretched out even more, absorbing as much of the sunbeam as possible. Like most of his kind Dax loved a good nap in a sunbeam. Unlike some though he liked lying on his back, warming his tummy. His large frame covered most of the small table his paws stretched over his head and jutting out over the table edge.
	Lazily he opened one eye glancing around the small four-room apartment. Seeing nothing unusual as he had expected he again closed his eyes.
	Dax suddenly felt as though he was being watched. He had this feeling before and it usually turned out to be nothing, this time he intended to ignore it and just lay there and take in the full sunbeam. As he lay there he tried ignoring it hoping it would go away, yet the feeling of being watched persisted. Slowly as if it strained him he opened his eyes and as things came into focus, time seemed to freeze, to my fright I saw the outline of Judzia who was mere inches from landing on me. She must have pounced from the high shelf. Having very little time to react I froze and braced for impact. To my horror and relief she didn't land on me directly, but instead hit my outstretched paws sending me flailing and somersaulting backwards through the air bottom first. Trying to bring my feet around quickly and failing I was more shocked than hurt when I hit the soft long thing the caretakers sit on with a soft yet firm thump.
	"Hehehehahaha" laughed Judzia the small female mostly white calico.
	"HA...HA...very funny!" I said in annoyance, as I righted myself. As she continued to snicker my annoyance grew. Having enough I crouched "You'll see how funny it is when I get hold of you!" So saying the last word I sprang at her.
	It was a futile attempt and I knew it yet I'd hoped for a lucky shot. They both knew Judzia was much faster and far more agile, yet I continued the chase.
	Around the room they flew knocking things off tables and annoying the female caretaker to no end. Dax knew he shouldn't be doing this for Judzia had just got through making The Female very angry by eating the plant she had just brought into the house yesterday. Yet run and race they did. He noticed the female getting more and more angry and flustered.
	"FLAH FLAH FLAH OOOUUUTTT!" Screamed the female caretaker as she stomped over to the door to the outside and flung it open.
	I stopped the chase as soon as she started yelling. It doesn't do to make them overly agitated. While yes they seem intelligent in many ways, they still have to be pitied. No Fur always cold, only two legs and no tail. Yet still they are larger than we are and like all large creatures they can hurt a Miaw if provoked or overly excited.
	"It's about time," Judzia said snottily, as she raised her tail and strutted toward the open door.
	I walked by her at a fast pace. I didn't wish to make the female angrier than she already was. Reaching the porch quickly I turned and sat to do a little grooming as I waited for Judzia. I watched with a small frown as Judzia still inside was strutting slowly toward the door like a queen.
	I think secretly she likes annoying our caretakers or "Servants" as she calls them. Today she ate the new green plant that the female had just brought in the day before. I don't know why she ate it they taste bad and she complained about the taste afterwards. I think she just likes toying with them. She says she is trying to train them, but I think she is just fooling herself.
	Of course then again I don't see why the caretakers get so angry either. There are green plants all over outside of our home. Why not just dig one of these up and put it in the little pot? Oh well many things they do are confusing.
	I had been caught in thought and as I looked back to see Judzia almost out the door. Suddenly the Female yelled and slammed the door hitting Judzia on the bottom knocking her forward into me.
	Judzia looked back at the door in anger. "See if I let her stroke me tomorrow." She mumbled angrily.
	As she glanced back at me, I was hard pressed to not let my grin show. Judzia can be very snotty at times, its good to see her get a little swat every now and then.
I noticed as I turned away from Judzia's annoyed gaze that we had a while before the sun went to sleep f

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

1- you write very well do NOT change your style!
2- you are NOT consistent with your perspective. you need to tell the story as a narrator and stick to that. do not switch between that and the characters personal perspective of the story. the onl error i have found is that you switch that up abruptly. I suggest you keep the story as being told by the same unknown narrator. NO i did this and than id did that, keep it he did this and than she did that.
3- Take Notes First before you write if you need ideas. try to think of a very basic plot to each chapter. than jot down ideas as they come to you and/or off the top of your head- what happens, it doesn't have to be in order. it is for YOU to organize later. if you are jotting down plot points as they come to you and you think of a detail or specific line you want a character to say than jot it down before you forget it. this does not have to be in order or organized in any way. start with a basic plot. add some notes of what will happen. add some details. add more details & edit and add finishing touches to the chapter.

EXAMPLE :

chapter X? - plot - the plot to steal a pie left cooling on a window ledge - a cat notices a pie cooling on a ledge - he's lounging lazily in his yard and the house accross the street- runs off and runs into his two cat buddies walking together-
fat lady put the pie on the ledge- she looked big and mean- the three plot to steal it- one will distract her while the other two snatch it- ringing doorbell- she opens door and a stripped tabby bolts into the house- she chases it around- the other two snatch up the pie- it's very hot- someone should get burned in afunny way- etc. etc. whatever & details

more EXAMPLES/Ideas :
something ends up leaving in a garbage truck and must somehow be retreived - getting lost in the sewers trying to find & rid the neighborhood of the 'sewer stalker' a monster that is an alligator/iguana/snake/whatever (i like the alligator) that was bought as pet, flushed down the sewer, and now is full grown and a menace - rescuing his female friend from that mean messed up kid down the street who likes to mess with cats and ran off with judzia. 


read other books. concentrate on authors that you find interesting and that you feel you want to compete with and read their books to research their style/s.
finally, don't be afraid to work off of other ideas. especially when you run accross a story or plot in a book, movie, or show. it's common to come accross a movie or book and think that the idea is good but you could have done better with it. if you 'would have done this' & would have 'done  that instead' than try it and just be smart about it make more than just some subtle changes.  and if you want to sometimes you can twist it around  

some final peices of advise- some essential tools to help you; NOT the internet but book or good software, get:
an almanac
an atlas
a thesaurus
encyclopedia set or software
also- definitely use a word proccesor but also be careful cause it will NOT catch certain thing like if you use the wrong 'there' instead of 'their' - type it on  your PC. keep saving it & keep backing it up on some sort of external blank media - disk, USB flash drive, etc. incase you lose it. you will be very upset if you are like 10 chapters into it and somehow you lose everything & acan't get it back.
get someone you trust to read it and point out any mistakes or possibilities for improvement.

GOOD JOB SO FAR!

Bishop · Answer

I LOVE the idea of this story!!!! and you write it well it is engaging and charming. however I agree with the answer above you need to pick a point of view and stick with it either be the narrator or the cat not both. 

my only other suggestion is a minor one..Dax suddenly felt as though he was being watched. He had this feeling before and it usually turned out to be nothing, this time he intended to ignore it and just lay there and take in the full sunbeam. As he lay there he tried ignoring it hoping it would go away, yet the feeling of being watched persisted. Slowly as if it strained him he opened his eyes and as things came into focus. 

everything about this excerpt is done in a lazy lying in the sun kind of feel....instead of "suddenly" feeling watched i think the feeling should slowly creep up on him.

Anonymous · Answer

You are a gifted writer and i think you should continue and finish your story I'm sorry if i was being too rude in my book review actually alot of 19, 20, 18 , year olds do get fake I.D's to get in clubs and bars without getting caught and i really do like how your vampires are dark, mysterious and evil, and are human-eating bloodsuckers, if this is written in to a book i would definitely read it!

Anonymous · Answer

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Looking for Critique of Book idea, chapters.?

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