Would this SciFi/Fantasy novel intro compel you or repulse you?

Question

What do you think?  Would you like to read more or does the opening paragraph completely turn you away?


     The days have grown dark since the time Artizeez invaded our land thirteen years ago. Our lands were peaceful, our food was plenty, and our armies were strong. The land we once loved was ransacked by the vial Overlord Artizeez. His armies were of the third realm of the Nether, the deepest, the darkest, and the most foul of all the Nether realms. Until thirteen years ago the third realm of the Nether was not known unto our Scribes or Historians. It is in the third realm of the Nether where the most vial creatures of the Nether are banished. 

     Overlord Artizeez found a way to rip a hole in the Nether barriers, escape with an army of ten thousand strong, and enter our realm of mankind and elves.

Soylent Twilight Is Buffy FanFic · Accepted Answer

vile not vial, a vial is a container.


Skip the elves,  be original.  Also it is pure fantasy, not sci-fi. 

Purely based on the style, I'd say it sounds like the opening to either a movie or video game rather than a novel.  Most novels will blend information into the storyline.  This seems to say "we just condensed 400 pages into two hours, so here's a quick background."


One more thought, I'd say first person narratives are particularly weak ways to tell fantasy action stories.  The strengths of the first person narrative lie in the voice of the narrator being convincingly real, which is hard to pull off in a fantasy story set in an other world.

Rondee · Answer

Sounds like same stories I read before. Try something else.
R

Sambal Oelek · Answer

I wouldn't be repulsed, but I wouldn't read on either. I don't like back story intros. I think it truly can be woven into a story.

Squirl · Answer

too much information - you can take things out without leaving reader confused - readers understand that they have to take on a new world with each new novel they start

Anonymous · Answer

It sounds kind of boring, honestly. And it's "vile", not "vial".

? · Answer

not very original, an alien dictator invading, wow

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Would this SciFi/Fantasy novel intro compel you or repulse you?

6 Answers