Film Bond actors as ...?

Bonds as cartoon characters:

Connery - Mickey Mouse. The original. Great in his time, carried off lines that would be lame under any other circumstance and introduced us to his sidekicks Minnie Mouse (Moneypenny), Donald Duck (Q) and Pluto (Felix). Not the sharpest tool in the box, but you know he'll get the job done once the dust settles from the chaos. Looks somewhat dated to kids these days, but retains iconic status.

Lazenby - Mighty Mouse. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but only good for one story line - this mouse can beat up cats. Had his own fanfare. Easily forgotten.

Moore - Popeye. Crude, facial ticking slegehammer. You're not always sure if you're laughing with him or at him, but he doesn't seem to mind as long as he gets to win a fight against a much bigger bloke and get his hands on the pun-named girl. No frills sex and violence.

Dalton - Dangermouse. Most of the "humour" is way above the heads of the target audience and far too much of the action is done by unlikely looking contraptions. Gets lucky, rather than dirty in a fight. Never stood the test of time.

Brosnan - Homer Simpson. Dawn of a new age, appealed to the modern audience with snippets of realism and a fallible Bond. We all know the woman's in charge and Brosnan, like Homer, can be got to if you exploit his character flaws. Unlike the Simpsons, though, Brosnan ran out of ideas.

Craig - Eric Cartman. Sometimes you have to call it like you see it. Fighting dirty, upsetting hippies and having everybody respect your authority comes as standard. Problems are dealt with by having a competition - I'll kick you in the nuts, then you kick me in the nuts, whoever gives in first loses. Despite the fact that everybody around him hates him, he knows he's the coolest kid in school and his mother (M) will put up with any shade of shite he chooses to throw.

Bonds as contraceptive solutions:

Connery: A condom - probably the most popular in its field, giving excellent results with a minimum of fuss. Highly flexible, and can be smooth or rough depending on the circumstances. However, likely to cause disgust when discovered looking used and washed-out over a decade after you last saw it.

Lazenby: Abstinence - dull, unexciting and hard to tolerate for long periods of time. Impossible to put up with unless you have considerable willpower. Produces the desired results but should only really be considered if no other options are available.

Moore: The contraceptive pill - produces a highly enjoyable experience with good results. Could be considered a favourite by many women although may cause others to experience nausea and vomiting.

Dalton: A contraceptive sponge - relatively obscure and rather awkward, tries its best but cannot stand up to the competition. Likely to cause embarrassment if brought out at a social occasion.

Brosnan: An intrauterine device - a suitable solution for the more modern age. Elegant and and high-tech, and allows a natural, enjoyable experience. Still, can only be tolerated for so long.

Craig: Anal - rough and highly inelegant, this unexpected solution nevertheless gets the job done. The possibility for hot action is likely to appeal to males but will probably not satisfy many women in the process. Likely to leave a mess behind.

Bonds as Fast Food/Processed items...

Connery 007 - Cheese Royale with fries

Lazenby 007 - OK, I haven't seen Lazenby as Bond - but will say a McFlurry!

Moore 007 - A slice of 'plastic' Kraft cheese- nuff said!

Dalton 007 - KFC Pop Corn Chicken

Brosnan 007 - McDoanlds Nugget Happy Meal

Craig 007 - Cheese Royale (a la Pulp Fiction!)