Stay with my current bf or dump him for someone else?

Question

Alright I will make this a quick as possible..

I am  20 years old and I have been divorced since August. My marriage was an abusive one and I had a very hard time getting out of it but eventually got the help I needed to get away. Anyways.. During my marriage I was talking with my ex quite often via internet, phone, and letters (we were talking for about a year on and off). Me and him had a very close connection back before I met my ex-husband. We had broken up because of him having to move. We both still have feelings for each other but it is a very difficult situation. He lives in Calgary, Alberta and I live in Idaho. I recently obtained my passport and had planned on going to see him in March for spring break. He is also coming to see me in January. We are unable to talk on the phone since it is fairly expensive. We chat/webcam about 2 to 3 times a week. We have been going this since August. Over the last month or two he has become withdrawn from me. We recently had a fight because he commented on his ex girlfriends facebook picture and told her how beautiful and sexy she looks. We have been some what on edge with each other since the fight.

Well.. in November my friend called me up and asked me to go on a double blind date with her so that she would feel safe and have someone she trusted with her. I attempted to get out of it but ended up feeling guilty and going.My friend told my date that I was recently out of a serious relationship and not to expect anything more than a friendship.. anyways.. This was the first date I had been on with someone other than my ex husband in five years. We went to dinner, racing, and then back to my dates house to watch a movie. The whole time my date (We will call him Joe), was very respectful and sweet. He paid for everything, opened the door for me, and helped me in/out of the race car. At the end of the night I gave him my phone number since he "wanted to make sure I got home okay" since I had to drive an hour to his town for the date. After that night we text each other often just getting to know each other. I told him about my some what boyfriend in Canada. He said he was fine with it since he was just out of a serious relationship and he is good with us being just friends.

Over the next couple weeks we have been out to dinner 4 times, to the movies twice, snowboarding, racing, just hung out at his place, watched movies at his place, had a guitar hero rock out session (haha I know! I'm a video gamer.), he met my parents, he introduced me to his friends and some of his family and he bought me an expensive Christmas present. I enjoy being around him, quite a bit actually. He texts me every morning, through out the day, and then calls to tell me good night every night. On our way home one night he told me not to get attached to him to quickly since he wasn't going to. I felt a little awkward about it since I feel like I am getting attached. anyways...

I bought him a Rolex watch and some expensive snowboarding pants for Christmas. I was so excited about the watch that I ended up giving it to him last night. He absolutely loved it. I am worried that I am falling for him and the feeling might not be mutual. I can't tell if he likes me more than just a friend. He is always so relaxed with me and we always have so much fun together.
(Please note that when I say falling for him I mean I like him more than a friend, Not that I am in love with him. I am just starting to develop feelings for him.)

Now I am wondering if maybe I moved to quick. I don't know what to do.. My some what boyfriend in Canada barely talks to me, I have a wonderful "friend" that I am developing feelings for but he may not like me like that back. Please give me some advise. I am confused and it would be nice to hear an outsiders opinion. Thanks for your help.

master_escrimador · Accepted Answer

You have a boyfriend who barely talks to you, That's as good as no boyfriend at all. The one in canada you have no communication with except via the internet, and your fighting because he is telling an Ex-girlfriend how sexy she is looking. And i bet she lives a lot closer to him then you do.

Now you have meet someone else that you have a lot in common with, You enjoy each others company and are very compatible with each other. It sounds like he is developing feelings for you as well. He just got out of a bad relationship, and you have also had a few in your past as well.

We have all had bad relationships in the past. But here is a man who is being honest and sincere and just may be the best thing for you in your life, None of us want to expose ourselves to where we can be hurt by someone we love and trust. That's just human nature.

But love is the greatest thing in our lives and makes us more then what we could ever be on our own.
It is always worth the risk and the effort involved, And the rewards are great. If you two can share happiness together throughout  your lives, Then you are indeed blest.

But how do you feel about this new man in your life? Do you feel that the two of you could be happy together? Is he someone you could want to spend the rest of your life with ? You must be able to ask yourself questions like this and answer them honestly. Because if you lie to yourself you will be unhappy with the results.

I personally believe that you should give this man a chance and see where this relationship goes.
You have a man who is willing to be there in person, Not just on a web-cam like the other guy.
Besides, i have never known anyone who has had a seccussful long distance relationship.

I hope this has helped you and I wish you well.

M K · Answer

Having two guys in your life can be  a pretty brain-whacking experience.

First of all, you need to decide who you love more. I think time is your best friend.  I think you should wait until your boyfriend in Canada talks to you again because if you start going out with your new close friend and then realizes u like ur somewhat boyfriend it would be too late.  So definitely figure out who you liek first before you start a new relationship.  If your somewhat boyfriend totally just stops talking to you and you really have no more interest in him i think you should really go to your close friend and just start spending time with him.  Love can't be rushed, I think you should try to give him some signs that you are interested in him, sweet talks, anything.  And of course if you still love your somewhat boyfriend, I guess you should just stay friend with him and if he has any signs of wanting to date you, just remind him how you guys are just friends.

But right now, from your text, I can tell that you are starting to develop new feelings for your friend, and they may eventually come through strong.  Never miss out an opporunity on the one you love, because you will regret it one day.  If you really do love him, start spending some more time with him, talk to him and as you progress start trying to tell ur feelings about him.

Good luck!!

Rachel T · Answer

I'm in a similar place with my feelings. I think life is pointing you towards the new guy. we cant help how we feel. we are the same age, it's young. i think you need to wait a little before you are attached to either of them. i have been dating my boyfriend for two years now built on a rebound from another guy. i just was hurt and he was a very very good friend. but i have recently learned that i dont think we have a connection in this way. hardest thing ever to do will be breaking up with him. :( but thats just what happens. we cant be held responsible for how we will feel and it will come out eventually. i think. good luck. <3 im sorry your marriage wasn't as you thought it would be. wait for awhile before you consider marrying anyone again!

IMprobablyNOTwhoYOUthink · Answer

Try not to think of your friend in that way; i think by him saying "don't get too attached" he meant to let you know he only likes you as a friend. I don't think you should necessarily rule out your kinda bf in canada cuz you guys have agood connection, but unless one of you is willing to move sometime in the future, it's gonna be really hard to maintain a relationship. I think you should keep taking to your canada guy but either date around a little or focus on yourself and see what happens, but try not to fall for your friend cuz you might just end up getting hurt...
hope that helped somewhat, good luck! :)

Anonymous · Answer

I think long distance relationship doesn't work.Try talking to ''Joe'' and talk to Alberta boy as friends for now..or maybe think who do you see yourself in the future && who do you have more feelings for..Good luck!

Laura S · Answer

i think you should wait and see what happens with the guy you are starting to have feelings for. because your Canadian boy is maybe not interested in you.

? · Answer

i read the first line which contained '20' and 'divorce' and i couldnt be bothered answering a question like this

? · Answer

keep YOUR BF AND GO OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE

Anonymous · Answer

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Stay with my current bf or dump him for someone else?

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