My son turned 18 is he over reacting or am I over reacting to his wanting to be independent?

NOT AT ALL!! Don't let him tell you what he should be aloud to do. He lives under your roof so he needs to respect you. If he wants to go out and do something illegal, he can go spend a night in jail. I bet that would show him what it means to be an adult and have responsibilities. There is a time and a place to have fun in an adult life and freshly 18 without his own place and his own bills to pay is not the place nor the time. I don't blame you for acting the way you did. I would have done the same thing. If he wants to be a big boy and do grown up things he can face all the consequences of being a grown up as well.

1. it's your house. If you don't want him having sex in your house and smoking weed in your house then that is your right and you have the right to punish him if he brings it back to your house.

2. he's 18 and what he does on his own away from you is none of your business any more. there are laws that will punish him as an adult if he gets caught. And there are life circumstances (pregnancy, child support, STDs, broken heart, etc) that will take their toll on him. let him face those consequences if/when they happen.

3. you were absolutely right to take the extra goodies from him. If he's a man and old enough to spend his money on weed then he's old enough to pay for his own car insurance and car and phone. If he wants the privileges of being a man then he needs to take on the responsibilities and obligations of being a man.

After you've calmed down then sit him down and have a talk with him. Spell out the rules for an adult child living in the house. Let him know what you will not tolerate and negotiate the rest with him. He's more likely to follow the rules if he feels he had a hand in making them. Draw up a formal contract with him to remind both of you what the new rules are.

Remember: Over all, it's your house, your rules. if he doesn't like it then he can move out to his own place.

but understand: if you and your husband are doing something illegal in your home (such as smoking weed) then you're going to have a more difficult time convincing him it's not alright to do it. you have to role model the behaviors you want him to follow.

Please read throught the whole answer.

If your husbad smokes weed in the house (and I am guessing you smoke too. correct me if I am wrong) you can't really tell your son it is wrong to do and take away all forms of communication from him and take his transport away too for doing the same as the rest of the family. It is more than a bit hypocritical. You should be happy that your son is doing so responsibly by waiting till he is a bit older to start smoking. With the substance being used around him and being readily available (kids know wherever their parents hide their stuff, however clever you think your hiding spaces are). And there is also the fact that he showed respect by not just smoking at home and doing it outside, even though others who are supposed to be a good influence do not respect this rule.

He is 18 and turning into an adult. Even though he is not one yet, you need to treat him like one if you ever want him to grow up. Why not sit him down and have a chat about responsible use rather than "we can but you can't". Discuss the reasons why there is a time and place for everything. And try to keep calm.

At the end of the day you don't know if he stopped to have a quick joint after being dropped off for before bed. Jumping to conclusions rather than finding out facts and storming in on him is only going to distance your son from you. Treat him with respect and trust him. In time he will treat you with the same respect and trust you too.

As for your husband, well you ned to respect him too. If you want this man as part of your family, you need to treat him as part of the family, not a seperate part of the family. If you can not calm down to talk to your son, why not explain what you want to say to your husband and try to get him to explain what you want to say to your son, as the way things are now, your son will not listen to a word you say. Maybe he will talk to his step dad (on his own and this may involve a beer or a joint. let it be). This will help you build a bond with both your husband and your son and help them bond as a family too.

I hope you take this advice into consideration. I know it is easy for me to talk when not with you in the situation and I can't see all angles. But don't jeapordize your family for fear of admitting you made a mistake. You have a chance to not only repair the damage, but to make things better than they were.

If I have been your son i may well be extra in contact approximately his father's grammar than his homophobic dispositions. Being gay isn't a criminal offense, neither is it something to experience embarrassment approximately. neither is it something to get "unhappy" or indignant approximately. this is completely favourite. gay behaviour in animals is rampant, too, (This has been shown in analyze), so if it is common in animals - NATURE! - then it's going to be favourite in people, too.

Next time you catch either your son or husband doing drugs, call the cops. When you do things, it's only going to make them hate you. When they get to go to jail, they'll learn their lesson. Since your son's 18, you could kicked him out of the house too.

just tell them

Your family needs therapy.

Your son and husband seem more laid back while you seem highly strung.