Holiday Etiquette with Jerks?

yes, it is too much for you to expect that, and you aren't fooling me, you are stirring the sh*t here. Send a text with the time and be done with it. If this is your childish way of thinking in deal with these people I'd say that you carry your share of the burden with the problems. But in the case of them asking what time to arrive, you are 100%, yes totally, in the wrong for not just texting an answer to a simple question. As far as bringing something, text that too, or just ask her not to bring anything but themselves. Whatever, but stop making this more difficult.

Lady, someone needed to tell you that.

At first I was thinking why should you bother but then I remembered that my mother in law pretty much acts the same way and I also still have to spend holidays and other time with her even though she is pretty much an @sshole to me when I see her. I'd rather not see her at all but sometimes you just have to suck it up and get it over with.

Call them back and leave a message. That way when they say they didn't know you can say, well I left you a message on your home phone since I figured you would be at home at some point and get the message. That way when they claim not to know when to come, etc you can say, well I don't know what to tell you because as I said, I called and left that info in a message on your machine.

My mother in law is also a my way or the highway person because her husband, my husband and sister in law continue to let her get away with it so she expects it from everyone. I fight it as much as possible but sometimes you just have to suck it up and ignore that person and try to be the better person. I know, easier said then done. I also try to be nice because she is my kids grandmother but when it gets really bad I ignore her and her BS and that drives her nuts when she can't get a response from me.

Sometimes this type of person just wants to piss you off because it makes her feel important somehow. It will always be you and not her I'm afraid as far as she is concerned. You need to decide if you will just deal with her BS a few times a year or just cut your losses and stop talking to them.

Best of luck.

I hear you. But aren't you trying to get her to conform to how you want to handle things? I understand that you have your reasons for doing so.

You've invited them over for Christmas eve. What information do you need to give them? I would just send a text or email or leave a message on the answering machine or messaging service. I would prepare it ahead of time and just read from a script so there isn't a misunderstanding.

My solution for dealing with some people like this - won't answer the phone. We just don't see them much. I'm distant with them when I do see them to avoid arguments and fights. Also they do some things that I don't want to get involved with in any way. I don't want to talk about it and I don't want to give the impression that I think it's ok. Some people seem to exist totally in their own universe.

You know the old saying..........can choose your friends but not your relatives?

If I were you I would not put up with this nonsense anymore. She will obviously spoil your Xmas and that's just awful year after year. I had a sister in law like that and after 20 years of her games I told her straight out that I was done and didn't want to see them ever again. It was the 1st time I had ever confronted her but enough is enough. I have had 15 yrs of lovely Xmases without them and have had no guilt or regrets!

Think about it, you only live once!

Good luck and a Merry Xmas.

Julie W

You should not have went out in an indecent manner because of etiquette and also because if someone wanted to get technically legal about the matter you committed indecent exposure. Now also ask yourself why should they have to find out if anyone has a problem with them building a veranda onto their own home if you dont have to find out if anyone has a problem with you going outside indecently? No judgement here just making a point. If he owns the home and you do not belong to a homeowners association than no he has no legal obligation to notify neighbors of his intentions of building anything onto his home. As for what to do about your neighbor I would suggest not provoking comments by walking outside in front of people that do not have the proper etiquette to just turn a blind eye.

Try calling back and leaving a message. Not with the details but just say "It's me call me back so we can talk about Christmas" maybe lie and say you don't want to pay for texting anymore.

But why can't you just text back the details?

Sounds like these relatives are awful I don't know why you would even bother having them over. Don't see how this would benefit your kids.

I am sorry, but I think you have set yourself and them up for failure. Personally, I would not have included them if I felt a strongly about this couple as you do.

If you really feel that you must have them included in the event. Be the bigger person here and leave a message. Do not give in to the temptation of arguing, or retaliation, in ANY way. If they come, let them do whatever they please, and do not comment or argue if you have any intention of having a pleasant evening.

Does that give them control? YES it does.

As Dr. Phil says...

"Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?"

Figure that one out and you will have the right answer for you.

You can be the grown-up here and let them be the babies.

I do not know the real reason behind the feud that you have with your female in-law (I don't know if she's your sister-in-law or your mother-in-law). But I personally know how it feels like to have a relative who never fails to antagonize people who disagree with her.

Unresolved conflicts and arguments can spill over to everyday dealings and could really mess things up. And I am hoping that she does not come over to your home for Christmas Eve to possibly screw things up for you.

But if she does come over for Christmas Eve celebrations, I'm real sorry to say, that you might have to play the role of the "doormat" once again (maybe for the last time), if you want things to go smoothly. Maybe you'd get a very small chance at reconciling with each other ? I'm just hoping you would.

I have a personal maxim of mine: All attempts at brokering for Peace is useless, if there is no Justice at all.

After Christmas Eve, you need to draw a line to reject what is unreasonable that is coming from her. You have your own life to lead, and so does she. If she constantly antagonizes herself throughout the rest of her life with others, it's not your fault.

I feel ur pain, I avoided my relatives too. But I also found out that I avoided the good things also. Even if u can't see the good things no they are there. Just remember that god is compassionate and you should show them how to be good ppl. Maybe it'll rub off on them.

Edit: and remember, Xmas is a time for forgiveness and the beauty of christs' birth.

WHY on earth would you think about tainting yours and your family's holiday on someone like that?

Phone them up and say.....since you have not given us any conformation of your coming for Christmas eve, we will assume you are busy and cannot make it. Perhaps next year. Follow up by saying, we will go ahead and make other plans now and we wish you both a Merry Christmas.

And leave it at that. It's a two-way street. Since they didn't confirm, you can then make other plans while you still have time.

They wouldn't appreciate anything you did for them anyway....trust me, my ex gf was like that. Horrid human being. Save your holiday....enjoy. It should be joyous not dark and angry.