Am I wrong to WANT to spend Christmas alone?

Of course, you can do this if you want. However, if I were your SO it would make me realize how self-indulgent you are, and I would begin to reevaluate the relationship. As a well adjusted, mentally healthy person I wouldn't want to hang my hopes on someone who can't adjust to divorce after three years. I would also be hurt not to be considered family myself. I would know for sure that marrying you would be a mistake. Sweetie, if you're thinking of marrying that man, he should be as important as your kids (in this scenario). If he's not, maybe you should rethink the relationship.

You're not wrong at all. In the past when I had a significant other, several times I refused to spend the holidays with her and her family. I just couldn't tolerate being around someone else's family and pretending to be happy when I just wanted ot be left alone. She didn't understand and I didn't expect her to. If I had a significant other refuse to spend the holidays with my family and I, I might be annoyed but being there myself I would probably understand and know where she's coming from. Merry Christmas whatever you do.

Been sad for over 3years is a too long a time to morn for this man. He has already moved on with his life. Do a favor for your self what are you morning for someone that did not noticed you. Even if you cause the divorce you are wiser now. Don't allow the past to reign and ruin you present and future. Rise up you are blessed you have the kids a big blessing and also a man that is ready to make you happy there are a lot of single waiting for a bf and not getting and here you are with one you want to let the mistake of the past to spoil the future. Rise up and be happy and enjoy your holiday and forget about sad anniversary.

People in our society are conditioned to be concerned about what other people think & what other people want; not to get that confused with being generous & giving to others, but a lot of people don't even know what they want out of life because they have always been too concerned about pleasing someone else & not thinking or even being aware of what their own wants are.

I believe if you want to stay at home for Christmas & feel sad, do it. It is OK. I know what pretending feels like & it is better for your soul to do what you want & be who you want to be. Take a bubble bath & read a book, watch a sad or a happy movie, make a ham sandwich for lunch. My kids will be with their dad on Christmas Day as well. I, however, do have family in town, and my crazy mother-in-law actually invited me over for Christmas to her house with everyone. It was a true surprise to me and appreciated but I won't be going even if my kids will be there because it would just be too awkward for me & my X.

Do what you want & don't let the pressures of what everyone else wants decide for you. You will have plenty of Christmases with your future husband & you will soon have new memories to keep you happy with or without your children at that time. You are your own person.

I think I would be insulted if I was your sig. other. There is no reason to sit at home being sad when you have so many people that want to share the christmas love with you. I am sorry that you can't spend Christmas with your children and that would make a little sad too, but not so sad that I would duck out of existence with all the other important people in my life.

There is nothing wrong with asserting what YOU want. As women, we are socialized to please everyone. I would explain how you feel to your BF.Honesty is important between people in a relationship, but be aware he might have to tell his family something different. Also out of state sounds like a long drive.And few things are than having to pretend to be happy around other people. I would not feel insulted if I was your BF.

I don't think you're giving your BF 100%..I think you are wallowing in your divorce.

It is not good to sit around being sad and alone...you need to get out and make a better life for yourself, and not dwell on the past; that part of your life is over.

no it's fine. also, what about your parents, sisters, brothers? do you have any?

i'm choosing not to spend christmas with my boyfriend (of 9 months) and his 18 and 20 year old children, because we have just barely met and i think it would be awkward and the only one who might be comfortable would be my boyfriend. this said, many of my women friends are spending christmas, not with their long term boyfriends, but with their parents, nieces nephews, and the boyfriends' are spending time with their parents. even a very in love just married couple who are each going to spend christmas with their respective families.

i'm not really that into big long celebrations even with my own family. i don't know that you need to be sad, you could enjoy time to be alone, read, watch dvds, cook, sort out papers, go for a walk- a contemlative time.

You do have a right to spend your time as you please.

However, as your significant other I would not be insulted, but concerned for you. I would feel like I needed to make sure you are not alone on Christmas.

No, it's your right to want to spend Xmas as you wish. If being like that will make you happy then that's what you should do. People should respect your wishes and if they don't, that's their problem.