What should I do about my colleagues...?

Question

Right I'm 16 and started this job as a waitress about 3 months ago.  I absolutely hate it and want to leave but need the money.  I've always got on with the people who work there with me, but never to like a 'friend' stage.  I am a generally outgoing person, but really only open up like this when with people I know well...hence I'm not at work at the moment.  I also don't think it helps that I'm the youngest person who works there - most of the people are about 3 or 4 years older than me, or more, however I know I haven't made much of an effort to start anything more than small talk with them ('how's your week/Christmas been?)

I was bullied when I was younger and have always known that I've never really fitted in, and my self esteem has always been pretty low.  Anyway, I was looking at some of my colleagues' Facebook's yesterday and saw that they had been lightly slagging me off behind my back.

What one person had said was 'I'm stuck at work, bored out of my brain and have to try and look like I'm interested with the conversations that Robyn's bringing up'.  There were many replies from other people who work there, such as 'awww bless you, that must be boring'.

I know it sounds petty, and I don't want to make a big deal about it to anyone, but it has been an even worse blow to my already low self esteem.

Can you think of any ideas that would make everyone be a bit more accepting of me, and to help me fit in a bit more with my colleagues??

Sak · Answer

I feel for you. That can be quite a blow to your self-esteem. Firstly, although it's upsetting, try not to let it get to you or play on your mind because that can make it worse. Detach yourself from your emotions and think of it as a learning experience for you to develop into a stronger person.

Secondly, find a private moment with the Facebook person and speak to them about it. Don't be angry or confrontational, simply explain what you've written here; that you apologise for appearing to be quiet and unsociable but the previous bullying(you don't have to mention this) and being the youngest make it difficult for you to be open at the moment but you want to make more of an effort in the future.

I can almost guarantee that they will soften towards you, apologise for their comments and the bond between you will become much stronger and this will spread throughout your workplace with everyone being more understanding.

This is called Conflict Resolution. It's difficult but if you can manage it you will be so far ahead of the game compared to others your age.

anoshorahim · Answer

you cannot change anyone into a nice person. bullying is something common, especially verbal. however, as long as they are not hurting i do not see why you should worry too much about their opinions. not everone will like you. some are accepting and others are not, regardless of their ages. if they say anything to bother at work, then you can complain to the manager and let him/her know the situation; it may lead to the problem being solved.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, of course. I would love to be your friend. You gotta be yourself and look up to positive role models. You gotta keep your head up high and never ponder what others think of you. I think you're really attractive, and you seem like a lovely and thoughtful person. We need more girls like you. 

I wish you're a little closer... I'm all the way in Minnesota.

Anonymous · Answer

i could eat them if you want, it would be like take out

Anonymous · Answer

sell yourself...lol, if all you care about is money then do it!

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What should I do about my colleagues...?

5 Answers