What do you think of this little part of this story?

My friend, Jasmine, was writing a story when she was twelve years old. She is now twenty. She reads over it and just doesn't like it. What do you think of it?

“ALEX, YOU COME BACK HERE!!!!” He turned around. I could see the tears in his eyes. “I have to go.” he said. I said, “Why are you doing this? You are tearing everyone apart. You’re tearing US apart, Alex.” He said, “I am so sorry. I have to do this.” “Why are you doing this? You don’t have to go.” I whispered. “I will find a way to come back. We will still be together.” He murmured into my hair.

“That isn’t the point, Alex.” I said. “I want you to stay. You could die.” But he just said, “Don’t you dare to follow me. Bye. I love you.” He kissed me for the last time and flied into the dark night. “Alex, come back!!!! You don’t have to go!!! STAY!!! Come back….” I began to cry. I felt the tears streaming down my face, but he never stopped and turned around. I looked up. He was gone. I stopped crying. I, too, turned around and never looked back. Not once.

Two years ago.

Alexis

I’m Alexis Rodgers. I am sixteen. I have lived in San Angelo, Texas for almost eight years. Today is my first day at Garland Harrison High School, leaving recently Matthew Jr. High School. I was wearing my lucky clothes, jeans, a gold shirt with blue stripes, and purple-green earrings, of course, for good luck. I was out in the balcony. I was thinking about William Ernesto, though he always made me to call him Will. He and I were best friends back at Matthew Jr. My last day there, he told me that he was moving away. I wonder….. My thoughts were interrupted when mom started to call, “Alexis, it is breakfast time!!”

I went downstairs just as mom was dropping her bags in the foyer. Today was my mom’s last day in the house. She was making sure her camera was okay and put it back in the bag. Let me explain. My mother, Zoë Rodgers, is a marine photographer. She loved pictures of the sea. She’s been all over the world trying to find perfect photos. She is really famous. She was taking out my lunch of the fridge when she said, “Looks like I am going to send you to the bus. I can’t drive you to school; neither can your father, Alexis.”

I said, “I thought Dad was going to drive me to school.” “Sorry Alexis. Your dad was called early today at work. It was really important. Dad said he wouldn’t miss driving you to school unless it was really that important. But he told me to tell you that he wishes you luck.” You see, my dad, Zackary Rodgers, is a surgeon. He’s one of the top best in our state. He is always getting called in early to do surgeries.

But, I didn’t see why dad couldn’t have stayed

to tell me good luck in person, or even written it down or something. No matter, I thought. I made sure I had all my books and then put my backpack in the foyer next to mom’s bags. All I got to eat was a piece of toast when the bus came. I quickly put on my jacket and ran to get my backpack. As I was getting out, mom called out, “See you.” Even with my warm jacket on, I could the cold in the air getting to me. I ran to the bus stop, barely getting inside. The doors opened again, with kids filing in.

A few minutes later, we were off to school. I sat in the bus seat, cramped by someone’s project. I was beginning to notice that for everyone, school has been in session for almost three months. For me, it is barely the first day of school. I sat wondering about what would happen. Will I make friends? Will I get straight A’s? And most importantly, is it possible I will see Will?

Even though we were good friends last year, rumor said Will liked me and wanted to ask me out on my last day at Matthew Jr. I left the school four months before the school year finished. I thought he was a good friend but that was it. What if I saw him there? All of the sudden, I had a feeling someone was watching me and I looked up. A boy had turned around and was watching me. He looked like he was studying me. He had deep brown eyes, a lot like mine. He had black hair, exactly like my black hair, except I have gray streaks in my hair. His hair shined. “Hi. You a newbie?” he said. “Yeah.” I said. “Great to meet you.” I was about to ask him for his name, my school came into sight. He hurried out the moment the bus doors opened, running inside the school.

I went inside. It felt a lot warmer inside than outside. I took off my jacket and stuffed it into my backpack. I looked around, looking for the office.

“Why in the world do you have GRAY streaks in your hair? DO you know that just make you look older!!!!” I turned around to see a blonde girl in a mini- skirt!!!!! In that cold weather, I would have frozen. “Did you hear me? ARE you DEAF!!!!” said that girl. “Uh…..who are you exactly?” I said. “OH, so you are a newbie, huh? Well, I am Jessica Walker, the prettiest and MOST popular girl in the ENTIRE school!!!!” I noticed this girl liked to yell a lot. “Did you HEAR!?! I AM Jess