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Lv 5
? asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

little thing about a waitress?

The time it took for "my eggs" to slam between neurons

and find a vocal cord that still worked

sauntered by in a topcoat and a sigh.

And as I looked up at her,

I thought, are you really being paid enough

to care how I want my eggs?

Did you spend all those days studying

for your spelling tests so you could write

"over easy" over and over?

What crack did you fall through,

winding up here,

in a dirty white dress?

Did the grease in your hair come

when you discovered they were

watching your wiggle?

Is a "More coffee, honey?"

really worth a grubby dollar

on a dirty table?

And just when did taking

somebody else's orders

need to be written down?

Update:

is nothing missing between lines 2-3, is just an internal type line, where i am waiting for my thoughts to return, so it goes by in a topcoat and a sigh(is an internal joke too)

3 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Ah, I love it! It's so sad... the imagery is great. It almost gives me chills... I think the next time I see a waitress I'll think of this poem, and maybe think of her a little differently. I only saw a couple issues with the piece.

    I'm not sure, but it feels like part of the sentence is missing between lines 2 and 3. And on line 15, do you mean "watching you wiggle"?

  • .
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    ........Superb! I'm going to star you; others need to see this. It's just so very good, and the suubject matter so original! Great!

  • Kirby
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Ron! This is good.

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