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How do I help a friend who drinks excessivly?
This is long.. please bear with me....
My best friend since I've know her drinks alcohol constantly. It used to be 5-7bottles of beer every evening. She had weight loss surgery, and slimmed way down. she was told she was to have no alcohol whatsoever. She fought the urge to not drink and beat it. 7 months into the year, at a meeting a few people asked if they could drink and the answer was NO. after the meeting a few other people said they have been drinking hard liquor which had much less to nearly no calories. my friend started experimenting with hard liquor and got rehooked quickly. she is now into 1 bottle of wine per night. Weekends, sometimes 2 bottles. She also smokes very heavily during the day as well.
I have known her for 14 years. since she has lost her weight, she started going out to bars and lounges and has met an incredible amount of new people of whom she sees as her extended family. these people are constantly drinking and every picture I see with them in it is usually in a bar. They go out to the lake and camping and it's just a drinking frenzy.
My friend says she is a social drinker and it's not a problem as she swears she doesn't drive when she drinks, I know she has and her car is proof.
When she drank beer you'd never know she was drinking. She could walk a straight line in high heels. with the wine, I've noticed she doesn't have that ability. If she isn't at the bars, her house has 3-4 people of which bring some sort of booze.
I have tried to talk to my friend about her drinking and it becomes a huge verbal fight. At times when she's sober and we talk, she'll sometimes admit she needs to get her drinking under control and has admitted she's an alcoholic, but refuses to do anything about it. I think she's waiting for a pill or something to help her stop. she's trying this pill to stop smoking but it isn't working.
Several of us who know and love this lady want to help her. We have agreed that at least 1 of us at all times would accompany her to an AA type meeting for support and would be her support group.
We can't do an intervention because her family drinks "socially" and constantly. Her brother brews his own beer because there's nothing stronger that he can buy. Her family does not drink like my friend does, but she is always around alcohol of some sorts. her new found bar friends all drink, and I know she's drinking more and more because of them, not to fit in, but probably because it's there and "free flowing".
Her skin used to be flawless, now she has wrinkles showing and her voice is choppy and sounds like she has phlem in her throat all the time. Her son who's going to be 14 has asked her to stop drinking and he gets ignored as she says it's only 1 glass. (it is.. that he sees).
I need advice on how I can help my friend. she's a great person, and I only forsee things getting worse for her. I have been waiting for a chance to talk to her when she's in that "vulnerable" state, but it hasn't happened. and the times it has it's very brief and I'm not able to get the dialogue started.
I have to find a place to go for an AA type meeting that will actually help.
She's made several friends who were court ordered into a country AA type program. after they got out of the meeting they all went to the bars or went to her place & started drinking.
I'm afraid my friend will resort to this because she thinks she know the program and just has to follow the steps and she'll do it when she's ready.
I unfortunately have also been waiting for something severe to happen to where she has to face it. dents & scrapes on her car aren't enough. she crashed into a curb & hit a small tree. she lied & said she avoided a dog. Well she got away with it. I don't want anyone to get hurt, ever!
However something hard has to hit her that she has to face before I think she'll have to acknowledge her actions.
I have ideas & plans.. but her silver tongue seems to always prevail.
Please.. any advice will help! Thank You.
3 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Unfortunately your friend is in the driver's seat in more ways than one. Only SHE can get help. You can certainly encourage her but beware of codependency (thinking you can and need to "fix" her). Sounds like her addiction issues could be inherent which is common. And as far as her making excuses, this saying holds true..."How do you know an addict is lying?....their lips are moving." Trust me, I know from painful experience with my family and myself. She will never, ever get her drinking "under control" because SHE isn't in control. Her addiction is. Recommend AA, offer to take her to meetings if you can and if you are a religious person, pray for her. She needs it. Best of luck to you, your friend and others on the road with her.
Source(s): Nurse (retired), recovering addict (forever) - ?Lv 45 years ago
It does not subject if she supposed to do what she did or she did not do it in any respect. If she will get dull inebriated and claims to not do not forget matters, it is time to discover one other companion. People like if you want to purpose your existence to be stuffed with grief.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Please check out this website www.settingcaptivesfree.com
There is help for you here. Free online course on Drinking/Drunkeness (New Wine)
"And you shall know the truth, and the truth will set you Free"
(John 8:32)
God bless.