What would you like to say on a bumpersticker?

"The things you see when you don't have a gun."

My mom used to say this. And "There are more nuts than squirrels."

She had a snappy, sarcastic tongue. Yesterday I spoke to her on the phone and she was unable to finish one sentence she started. I am in crisis, I tell you. I'm conflicted on so many levels and feel adrift.

Maybe the bumper sticker should read "Sink or swim." They closed the pool. The nights got so cold that the last day we swam the water was 66 degrees. I got the polar bear award at camp so I didn't mind it much.

"Where there's no sense there's no feeling."

I am now 4#'s overweight. I eat before bed like a starved infant. And sitting at this damned computer goes against "A body in motion stays in motion. A body at rest stays at rest."

Maybe I won't have "the best looking corpse in the graveyard" after all.

"The grit provides the polish." So maybe I should stop looking for a soft place to fall in this hard, cold, cruel world. I'm at wits end, I tell you.

I'm at the end of my rope.

How about "Driver needed." Good for those struggling to steer their own ship.

"Don't blame the passenger." When people get mad at my friends' driving they always flip me the bird, throw nasty glances and mouth vulgarities at me as if I'm responsible, sitting like a marionette with my head on a pivot and my hands in my lap. and my hands in my lap. They must think we're in Britain.

Unfortunately, ma was wrong about "Where there's no sense there's no feeling", because I have been reduced to just the latter.

"I'd rather be in bed."

"I Brake For Unicorns/Leprechauns"