I need to explain this poem, but read the poem first, then the story behind it. Comment?

Question

I mean I don't think this poem can stand on it's own without your reading the explanation of what it's about.  Read the poem first.  Does it make any sense at all?  Probably not.  Then scroll to the bottom and read the explanation.  Got any suggestions on how to make it make sense?

"Death Chime"

I carry a death chime with me
Everywhere I go.
A gentle chime that chimes,
With two tones softly, often after midnight,
A favorite time of dying.
Bong
Bong

While I’m asleep
It sits patiently silent
On my bedside table.
Then when it’s time
It gently awakens me,
Bong
Bong

It signals the passing
Of mortal men and women
Who have been waiting.
It lets me know someone’s
Wait is finally over.
Bong
Bong

The chime is not a morbid sound
When I hear it
I know there is rest somewhere
For someone and think how
One day I’ll wait for it to chime for me.
Bong
Bong
.
.
.
.
Okay, here's the thing.  I work on-call 24/7 for a Hospice agency.  I wear a cell phone that has both phone and email service.  The chime is the email alert.  During the day there is often just regular old email traffic between nurses, aids and social workers, but after hours the only email that comes through would be about a death.  We do that right away so that when the work day begins anyone who has a scheduled appointment with the patient would be aware and not go to the home.  So how much explaining to do or just abandon this now?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I was sold without the additional info, but it was a treat to read this explanation as well. Few poems are equal to this, they either are so obscure and NEED the adddet, or the explaining undermines the poem. Nice food for thought.

Anonymous · Answer

I like this. A very good write, for sure! I had an 'idea' on what it meant BEFORE reading the explanation but the truth is, yah don't have to make sure everyone understands it--as long as YOU understand it. Maybe writing one more stanza that sums it all up and then putting it where you think it fits best, beginning, middle, end, etc. Also, I think maybe changing 'bong' to 'ding' or 'bleep' but, again, this is YOUR poem and if your cell phone makes a 'bong' sound, then keep it. Also, I think you should take 1 'bong' off for each stanza but definitely keep one word for each because it gives it a little something 'extra'. VERY good with this.

Cool. (:

? · Answer

having a hard time thinking the sound of a chime is Bong Bong and I know you mean death chimes
I heard death as more of a Rattle Rattle....that is a true sound just before the breathing stops,
which is not  metaphoric right
...I think of a large Gong..or a big old Bell when I read Bong,  for the sound only
for me...it took more than a few readings

death rattles as well
I heard it and instantly knew, death was a breath away....
your call on the way you see it though
 
now for your cell, it goes Bong Bong....cool
the explanation was needed for me
and I have the utmost respect for Hospice workers
...

Chris G · Answer

I Didn't get it in detail, but I so caught on quickly as what it meant (without your ex explanation

I think you should leave it alone! I think it would make it more general like anyone could read that and be like "yeah i can relate ya know?? Maybe im  talking stupid...I write allot and feel as if you should never explain, only to your heart! 
Let others take what they will with your writing it makes it more personal to each reader!

? · Answer

I don't think everyone HAS to get it, so you could let it be. If you strongly prefer people understand, possibly add an expository stanza that puts into verse what your footnote says.

The bong bong is more awkward to me. It's "bong" which is a rather loaded word. And once I know what it means, it's there too much. Maybe one occurrence would be enough?

Anonymous · Answer

I knew right away it was a pager of some sort, as I also have one by my side 24/7.

I agree that "bong" might not be the best choice of onomatopoeia but I have no suggestion otherwise.

? · Answer

I agree with those above ^...The word bong takes me to happier days..I immediately forget what I just read~~~~~~~~~~~~

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I need to explain this poem, but read the poem first, then the story behind it. Comment?

7 Answers