What Does Everyone Think of This Story So Far?

I love it!

Here are some comments/criticisms (sorry, I'm kind of a S.P.U.G.S. freak):

SPUGS= sentence structure, punctuation, usage, grammar, spelling :)

First, I loved the introduction. Sassy, short, to the point and grabbed my attention. Vampires = blood.

But I'm also kind of confused on the aging- I've never really read any vampire lit before, so I'm not sure if this is typical (your use of 'perpetual lives' seems to be common among vamp lit?) Just in case, you probably should explain why they are really old, if just for the ignorant like me :)

Spelling (hee hee I'm such a nit picker sorry!) 'The day after the incident'... it should be 'severe' not 'sever'. It's hard because spell check finds nothing wrong with the word 'sever'! I've had typos too many times to count.

'I also have an older brother named, Chucky' no comma after 'named' :)

The part about him never speaking is kind of confusing- 'release'?

'Why should the principal give a hoot...' should end in a question mark

Haha, I like when you're talking about 'how you yearn for his blood'

100% not normal :) You're in good company

Ch 2: Kindergarten not capitalized

'a strange looking boy approached' a should be A

"Um...no," should be "...no." (w/ a period)

Haha I love the character of Rossie! Creepy smirk + smearing boogers = really, really funny!

Ch 3: 'photographic' memory-- interesting why 1 in 5... maybe you should just change it to the boys in the family?

haha head of the local Boy Scout committee... well if he ever goes on a trip, there's plenty of young blood.

'I sighed, knowing' instead of 'I sighed to know'

hahaha! sweat splattering! ew!

Here are my fav quotes from the spelling bee:

"pickle?" OMG I DIED!

"I dunno." haha!

"Um... do I really have to?" explanatory why this is funny :)

Love Janette's character. Is it weird that my friend was an exact replica of this girl in elementary?

Wait... why is Janette going after Max? I thought there were three (four) of them? What happened to Aden?

hahaha "met a girl, bit her neck, got married" :) just throwing it out there naturally

If his wife's dead... how can she give birth to Max's mother/father (whichever maternal/paternal side they were on? Or is this another one of those vampires things?)

haha! Short term memory loss! Oh my gosh that's hilarious!

Ch 4: trick OR treating

haha WHAT? cutting up Ms. Hingebotter? haha!

'dip her in ketchup' haha so morbid... but insanely funny!

'while I hand out the candy," Mom told Dad. "And Chucky too!" just little comma errors in dialogue.

'grabbing the candy and sailing off to the next house' no comma, not a compound sentence :)

'Halloween doesn't go down well w/ fellow 6 yr olds' no comma after Halloween (onion costume is hilarious)

'will be going to sleep anytime soon'- confusing!

'catch children when they're sleepy". add end quote,

Mom sleepwalking, yelling "Candy!" haha that is so weird but adds a really bizarre humor. You think that vampires are all about the blood... but she likes candy!

I believe it's 'the final house: the red headed' instead of capital The

I like the description of 'sodden'

"Is he alright?" question mark

"Fibees...?" quotation mark

many candy= many candies

haha "can you please let go of me sir?" if that was me, I'd be screaming bloody murder! haha

'dumpster at a local market' 'oniony self' :D

'your parents. That's our job...'

I LOVE IT.

ALSO, I'm sorry for me being such a grammar/spelling freak. I just want to make your writing better! But I absolutely love it, the dynamic of the family, spunky little Max- it's great. :)

you misspeled somethings, but it is a good story so far.

i luv it!