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Is this a good novel/book start? Please help.?
“Arhcers! Everyone get to the passage” was the first thing the boy heard when he woke up lying face down in the mud. The boy, with a puzzled look tried to sit up, but noticed an intense pain throbbing in his neck region. “What happened and where am I,” he thought.
The boy once more struggled to get up and pains coursed throughout his body. He lifted his eyes, and in the midnight distance was able to see the people from the city around him running into a caved passage in the side of the mountain. The boy struggled with all of his might but had no strength in his muscles. He looked around to get his bearings, but was over whelmed by the fire of the houses around him. He looked into the eyes of the men and women rushing by and saw intense fear. The thought still rang in his mind, “how did I get here.” Clearly this was not the boy’s home. He had only read of archers in books, but archers hadn’t been around for hundreds of years.
The boy lifted his eyes once more to the mountain side and saw a man standing in front of the passage. The boy could make out the look on the leather armored man’s face. It was a face of pity and remorse. A voice called out from the tunnel, “seal it up, it’s too late.” A few more leathered armor men stepped out from within the cave and began to use a log to pry the boulder and roll it in front of the passage entrance. After straining with much force the boulder began to roll and the men rushed inside. The boulder was rolling towards a large hole that was dug in front of the passage entrance. As the boulder rolled, the boy looked around to see all of the injured people who were also lying on the ground and people that were still rushing to get to the passage. He heard screams and cries “WAIT”, “STOP”, but they were to no avail. The boulder was too large to stop the movement now. The boy looked towards the passage once more and saw the boulder roll and land with a loud thud inside of the hole. The boy lowered his forehead into the dirt. “I don’t understand,” he frustratingly thought.
He began to hear a familiar sound and raised his head to look around. It was the sound of hooves beating the ground. The sound was drawing closer as the boy was able to focus in on one of the riders. “What manner of man is this,” he thought. The rider dismounted several yards in front of the boy where others were laying on the ground. The rider was larger than any other man the boy had ever seen. He was wearing a large, black, leather-like armor and shoulder pads with bone spikes protruding from all points. The rider drew his long sword and began to strike the helpless people dead, and leaving only a few alive. The rider peered in the boy’s direction and began to walk towards him. The boy turned his head and struggled to crawl away, but realized his efforts were futile. He turned back to see the rider standing next time. The large black armored rider knelt down to the boy’s side and the boy gazed into a pair of solid black eyes that lied behind a shielded helmet.
“He’s one of them,” the rider yelled to his company in a deep, raspy voice. The rider looked back at the boy and raised the shield on his helmet. The boy peered into the rider’s face and saw his pale white skin, his unnatural face, and his chapped deadened lips.
2 Answers
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Wow! This is interesting! It's pretty good, and I would like you to continue it. I really don't see anything wrong with it, either.
I'm classifiying it as an adventure/fantasy novel.
I hope to see this in whatever section of Borders it should be in!
Source(s): I'm a writer, too! ^^ - 1 decade ago
I'm not sure what genre this is but I'm gonna pretend its a fantasy genre as that's my favourite. I like it. I want to know more. what are archers?! who is the rider?! he's one of them, what does that mean?
BUT you have to work on your writing. It kinda reads like a high school essay (okay better than that, but still amateurish).
the story has potential though. I think it'd be nice to start with less action though. for example, he's working in the field etc. then that gives us a chance to get a bearing of the world he lives in, what he's like etc. THEN "Archers! get to the passage"
or this action scene could be a prologue maybe and then the next chapter, a calmer scene to explain the world. just my two cents! :)