Which branch of the military should I join?

Before you answer, let me explain myself and my situation. I am not joining the military to make a career out of it, or because I have some dream of "defending my country" or following my father's footsteps or something. I know that sounds bitter and is probably giving anyone reading this a terrible impression of me, but hear me out. I absolutely NEED to join the military. I'm going to try to avoid giving my life story, but basically, I screwed up high school and my life went drastically downhill. I started doing drugs, stealing, and just had no life. I finally snapped out of it and got my act together, setting my sights on the military as somewhat of a "last resort" since I had no money and lacked the means to get anywhere in life otherwise. So my aunt let me borrow her car to take classes at the community college nearby so that I could earn the required 15 college credits to get in. At first I was only expecting to get into maybe the Army, National Guard or Marines or something, but the realization soon came to me that since I have absolutely no record (I've never been caught for any of the many illegal things I've done, thank god) that I could actually join a higher branch, such as the Navy or the Coast Guard, or maybe even the Air Force.

So, background aside, let's get to the meat of the question. What do I want from the military? I want a new beginning.. a real start in life. Not only financially, but spiritually (I am not religious, but I still find that word appropriate for my circumstance). I want to break myself down and build myself back up as a new man, and leave my current pathetic life behind me. My dream is to be a writer because I absolutely love to write and tell stories. This is probably obvious just by looking at how long this question is. Now, of course, I do realize that the military isn't by any means going to need me as a writer. Becoming a writer (specifically, screenplays) is just something I highly wish to pursue once I am done with my three year enlistment. However, for the sake of maintaining the purpose of this post, and to even keep it within the character limit, let's move on...

Over the last half of 2011, I have improved myself significantly. I have set aside my past ways and loaded up with six classes in one semester at the community college I attended (which is a ridiculously large amount to take in one semester, so large that my college adviser was actually scared for me, but I needed all of them to earn all the required credits in only one semester).

I have passed every single class through what many would perceive as some kind of miracle, given my financial and living situation, and I am now prepared to join the military. This is where I need help; everything I have typed leading up to this was said so that the Yahoo users who will be answering this question will be able to make a completely informed answer based on my specific situation. Let me readdress a few things, to be clear. I do not want a career out of the military. I know that what I want to do with my life is to be a writer because not only do I enjoy it, but I know I have the ability. I also have no desire to go to combat. Ideally, i'd like my experience in the military to be completely safe, but still a great learning and growing experience that I will be able to reflect on throughout the rest of my life and career. Basically, I want my time in the military to be highly beneficial on a personal level, but I don't want to risk injury or death. I know that sounds extremely selfish after taking into account all the men who go across seas and die for their country without flinching, who have risked and still risk their lives to preserve our freedoms as Americans, but believe it or not, I do appreciate that and realize how honor bound they are as individuals; certainly more honorable than I will ever be. It's simply not my priority, however.

In conclusion, I will now state my question in the clearest possible manner: after having taken all I have said here into account (as long and rambling as it may be), which branch of the military should I join in order to advance my life and earn enough money so that I can move on after my enlistment ends, allowing me to begin my life anew through furthering my education and becoming the better person that I want to be?

I realize that this is one hell of a story to read by Yahoo Answer's standards, and i'd like to thank anyone who has made it this far. I really need some guidance on this, and as you can probably tell, I'm a little lost in this world right now. I need to know what to get myself into. I need to know what would be best for me.