Progressives, Have you accepted Raptor Jesus as your lord and savior?

Question

During the Mesozoic era, God went through an experimental Scales phase, similar to Picasso's Blue period. Rather than making beings in his own image, he populated the Earth with giant lumbering reptiles. Other scriptures such as the Dead Primordial Sea scrolls suggest that God was actually a dinosaur during his teens, and was the true inspiration for Godzilla.

While known to themselves as "Giant Awesomes", dinosaurs kept no written records, so scientists did not learn their real name until modern technology made it possible to read their fossilized minds. At first, the dinosaurs rampaged at will, eating each other, stepping on houses, and generally causing major property damage. God was forced to intervene when His mother found out about the world He had created, and ordered Him to "clean up this mess before your father gets home."
Unwilling to enter His world, God created Raptor Jesus. Raptor Jesus's primary role on Earth was to convert the dinosaurs from the paganistic theory of Evolution by fostering a new belief in Intelligent Design. Opponents of his theory, primarily the Romans, viciously attacked Him and His followers, condemning them to extinction via PBS.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I follow the Flying Spaghetti Monster, PBUH.

? · Answer

When I was once 1 month historic after I was once in grade 2 once I was 15 once I used to be experiencing demoralizing devastation 18 years in the past quite a lot of and plenty of different instances due to the fact. I bear in mind running house once from church and i had a question about Holy Communion....Good, i don't think you are Catholic, so I can not inform you, but understand that, I would barely see the sidewalk for about a block and a half of. We're all ONE. We are so devastatingly equivalent in our religious desires it's some thing on a magnitude we are able to barely fully grasp. To ask any individual to know Jesus earlier than they are competent or can comprehend it is like taming a porcupine. Be comfortable to know that Jesus watches over every person's needs and does all He can for them. His coronary heart is exceeding smooth and gigantic.

Anonymous · Answer

what have you been sniffing? and i hope  i haven't sold you that 

and god had nothing to do with killing them off as it was just bad luck, dinosaurs were highly adapted to their surrounding and were probably better at it then us, the only reason they died out is a meteor causes a massive earthquake that would be 50+ on the Richter scale which made a massive tidal wave and knocked the earths orbit towards the sun for a few thousand years which burnt them to dust. 

i doubt we could survive that or any animal and it was a fascinating that anything survived this, the dinosaurs also never came back due to the world being to cold for them to compete with warm blooded animals, but due to global warming the chances are in a few million years dinos will be back on top with mammals on the bottom

? · Answer

Nope, mastodon Moses.

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Progressives, Have you accepted Raptor Jesus as your lord and savior?

4 Answers