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Am I in the friendzone and can I get out? Long Story?
So I'm going to try to explain this as detailed as possible so prepare for the story. Also the Markers by Numbers (1,2,3 etc...) are moments I'm labeling as significant so pay attentionSo I met this girl a year ago and she was sexually attracted to me and I to her, so I decided to talk to her and we got along very well and decided to hang out again.Couple weeks later we engage in "adult things (LOL)" and everything seems to go well.
1. I think I may have opened up a little to hard to her, Saying what I liked about her and all that cheesy stuff while also realizing later on she didn't reciprocate.
2. We had hung out for about a week straight after and didn’t hook up as she would leave early and rather coldly.
3. She generally is cold and doesn't like being paraded around as an object so naturally I just thought she was holding out.
4. She thought I wasn’t giving her enough attention and was getting very annoyed, so she clearly cared.
So the night finally comes when she says "let's go to bed" and I take her into my room, and NOTHING happens. We made out for a few minutes and then she turned her head to pass out.
6. I didn't know at the time but she had gotten out of a very long and bad relationship not long before and was playing the single game pretty hard, so my timing for the next part was very bad. We started hanging out and still nothing was happening, she would come over, act totally disinterested in me and interact with my friends more than me. I was clearly losing/already lost her but was determined to make it work cause I hadn't met a girl like her before. I admitted my feelings to her late one night as she was leaving, and she told me she "liked (me) too much to go out with (me)". I was pissed cause I was clearly friendzoned and told her I didn't want to see her again and to stop wasting my time.
7. Apparently she was deeply hurt by this as she told me later, but remember the "I like you too much" part as it comes into play later. So eventually we start hanging out again after she repeatedly tried to contact me. I ignored it at first but we honestly did get along very well so I didn't mind as much, and I was over the fact that I wasn't going to have sex with her again. So we started hanging out as "friends" about a month ago after 7 months of not seeing each-other. Obnoxiously enough we hit it off again and she kept telling me how much she "missed me" and all the things about me blah blah blah. Last night she calls me at 3 in the morning to hang out, somehow I was awake and I told her to come by. She immediately starts complaining about how this guy she was with wouldn't **** her so she left and came to my place. When I inquired more she told me some pretty interesting things about her sex life.
8. She will not **** guys she's incredibly attracted to and has been going for more feminine type men who are emotional.
9. She cites it as they are "easy to forget about" because they have nothing significant to offer and are annoying to her.
10. She is still very much single but has a few guys she just ***** cause she doesn't care about them.She then starts to open up to me, telling me things she has "never told anyone before" about her life and whatever. She opened up about how she loves to sing but can never do it in front of anyone. I put on one of her favorite songs and she starts sheepishly singing along, I then tell her to stand and be confident and she is still weak. So I held her body close to mine and she closed her eyes and was immediately more confident. The moment was so intense, her breath brushing my neck, her smell, the warmth of her body. As soon as she stops she mentions "I've never sang in front of anyone like that" and we start making out. About 30 seconds pass and she stops me, saying again "just friends" I ask her about it, she begins to tell me that
11. She knows if she is sexually involved with me that she would become "obsessed with me" and "wouldn't be able to stop thinking about me" that I would unintentionally control her life cause she can't get over how "great I am"
12. She had this feeling before when we first hooked up which is why she stopped it immediately because she knew it would grow into something dangerously passionate and that's why we can't be together, she wants to control her life and I'm too dangerous for her. If she had said ANYTHING else I would have just accepted the friendzone but now I'm more confused and interested than ever. I can't stop thinking about it, What do I do??
Hell ya @WolfSheim, I'm glad you saw the connect between the attraction level and the night i "opened up too much". I regretted doing that almost immediately and it definitely seems like you know what you are talking about. Funny that you mention working out and honing your skills. I actually am deeply into music and play saxaphone quite well, I've actually been working out alot and have gone from tubby/muscular to muscular with a little fat, still got a little to work off but I'm very close to looking too good with my shirt off.
I'm just a little worried that I've already become "too available", I've been treating her like a friend for the past month so hopefully it didn't go too far in her mind. It's just that I know that attraction between us is still there it just feels like the thinnest of walls is keeping her from being with me. I mean I don't know how many girls would pursue someone they friendzoned and are not romanticall
2 Answers
- 8 years agoFavorite Answer
*What a woman says and what a woman does is an oxymoron.*
Never take what a girl says to you seriously. The decrease in attraction can be traced back to your infatuation confession "I think I may have opened up a little to hard to her, Saying what I liked about her and all that cheesy stuff". You must give women what they NEED, not what they think they want. Women NEED men who are leaders, dominant, and confident. What women THINK they need, but is nothing more than the social conditioning of their female pedestalized cultures, is emotional men, romantic nights out, and nice guys. Be the man a woman needs, and she will love and look up to you. Be the man that a woman wants, and she will friendzone you HARD and see you like a big vagina.
This girl does not want to have sex with you because you are always available. You are too easy. We want what we can't have. Women who see men as a challenge are attracted to them because they know the man has other options- i.e. other sources of poosay. The next time this girl calls you up to listen to her pathetic sex life, ignore it. Go cold shoulder and refocus your mind on other matters, like burying enemies. HOWEVER, you must NEVER EVER EVER make it obvious that you are deliberately ignoring her because if she finds out, your attraction will take a Mike Tyson punch to the testicles and communicate your insecurities. Your next conversation with this girl should go along the line of:
Her: The guy I'm with is such an asshole, he left as soon as he came inside me.
You: no reply
By replying, you become the gay friend, the friend who is always there for the woman to cry on- the one who can forget about ever getting near her asshole. When she confronts you about your no-reply make sure to look aloof and focused on SOMETHING else and say "I was busy". No need for further explanation.
To begin creating attraction you must work on yourself. Start working out. Begin a new project and work at it through blood and tears. Allow your style to shine. Learn to play an instrument, or if you already do play, continue refining your skills. Be seen with other girls to make her jealous (again, must be subtle, otherwise you are ******).
All this girl is doing is imbibing your energy. To keep a girl, you must NOT be afraid to lose her. If she walks out on you, don't **** your pants. Yes, it will be hard, but move on. Every man faces heartbreak, the more you face it the stronger you become. I will end this with an aphorism that perfectly encapsulates your predicament:
"Women do not deceive men, men use women to deceive themselves".
Oh, and I recommend that you read "The Game" by Neil Strauss.
May the force be with you.
- ?Lv 45 years ago
Hmm, I certainly not bought into boys and relationships in university however I think that she is struggling to exhibit her emotions towards you and is taking her acquaintances part many times as she believe that she is part of them you ought to make a transfer as emerge as her bf and that i feel that the taking buddies aspect will quickly trade. The being in love factor incompletely have an understanding of. It's elaborate to love someone a lot and not be aware of if the love is again! Might be attempt to speak to her or restrained in somebody that you recognize that you may trust! Go off your instinct but put yourself 1st despite the fact that i'd recommend cautious treading, don't out your coronary heart on the line in case your bit in a position to care for and face the possible reject that might come. If I consider like my current realationship with my partner is below pressure and that i routinely think we could spilt I just feel, I've still go my loved ones! They'll continually be there to like you and pick up the portions of you want them to! Hope that helped!
