Feeling very hopeless and empty, pls help?? Am I depersonalized?

I'm 24. I've been working for 4 years full time, without a degree as i have no motivation and no idea what to study.

I've been drifting around like a ghost for a long time since I left school. I'm hating life more and more each day, and I have been seeing a counseller on and off, about twice or thrice now. I'm going to see her again next week.

However, I have a feeling she has no idea what to do with/for me, although she tries, as she works in a non-profit organisation.

The reason I'm seeing her is because I have no one to talk to. I have burnt bridges, feel miserable being all alone, and yet I feel happy and have no desire to interact with other human beings. I drag myself to work everyday, and drag myself everywhere else. As long as i have to talk to other human beings I get very depressed. I have no social skills and have severe hearing impairment and a terrible lisp. Although I write very well, I speak very poorly.

I always feel that being anything is much better than being human..I'm so dissociated from the world. I don't feel like I belong, I don't feel like anyone understands me or cares about me.

Besides being said as 'selfish', which yes I agree I am - which human isn't? - I feel that I am depersonalized and also suffer from derealization.

Is there any truth to these two terms or am I just self-diagnosing myself wrongly?

I have been feeling this way for as long as I can remember. I was never an exuberant child, but I got worst the moment I hit puberty.

The closest I can describe is being and old soul trapped in someone's head, and looking out through her eyes. I see my movements as stilted (I move normal though, I'm physically ok. I'm pretty sporty. Not very active, but I'm ok-good in most sports), kind of like seeing limbs moving underwater; or I feel like my body is a machination with moving limbs that I don't control. I see people around me feeling pain, sadness and emotions, and I know they feel that, I can identify it. But I usually have no emotional responses to other people's distress. I can comfort them but it's lacking depth.

Pls help, I appreciate it so much!