My sister killed herself, should I blame myself or mom or dad?

She was struggling with the abuse, and no one came forward to help her enough. Your dad is a predator, and to have parents that don't support you , make it very difficult to get on inlife, but it is still possible.

So, I think your parents have a gREAT DEAL to do with the condition she was in, and it was still her bad choice, since she could have gotten help.

You need to realize the damage this has done to YOU, if you are also abused by him and they both should be reported to the police for child abuse and being predators.

You need to find a happy healthy place to be , and get out from the abuse of a predator.

So, it is possible to say that your parents abuse contributed to all her problems, yes, but there was still ways for her to heal herself.

I am not at my best today, so I am not going to say more than that.

This was caused by parental ignorance and it is not your fault. You cannot sexually abuse

a child and expect that person to be "normal".Your sister was in pain and did not know

how to handle the pain. You mother then made the pain worse by not defending and

supporting your sister. There are tons of books on this in the Usa, tons of stories of the same

thing going on, where the Mother and other older family members do not want to hear about

these things, or support the person, and are in denial of the person's pain, often accusing

the victim of causing this in the first place. People who have been abused react in may

different ways, take drugs to avoid pain, do not ever have a relationship that is healthy or

get married, are depressed and feel they are used goods and on and on.

Your sister needed therapy, and there is a homeopathic remedy called staphysagria to release

emotions of sexual abuse, rape. Families have to come out of denial and support the victim

and do something about the abuser. This is no different than the Catholic priests molesting

kids and the church elders denying it, and many of those people killed themselves also.

It is a society problem of denying the abusers are doing anything and also ignorance and

cowardice not to stand up for the victim. You have to have compassion for your sister,

no one can judge this unless they walked in her shoes. Forgive the parents and move on,

but stand up for any talk about your sister and any denial in the future from your mother

or any other predator and support of that predator. Parents have the duty to protect and

guide their children who are innocent and vulnerable and that did not happen here. None

of this is your fault at all and the only answer is forgiveness of the situation.

How special you are...

your presence is a gift to the world,

you are unique and different from all others.

Your life can be what you want it to be.

Live it once a day.

Count your blessings,

not your problems,

and see how you move forward.

There are many answers within you,

Understand, be brave, be strong.

Do not set limits,

your dreams are waiting to become true.

Do not leave your importante decisions to chance,

strive to reach the goal,

your goal,

and your prize.

Nothing makes you lose more energy than concerns,

The more time you keep a problem, the heavier it becomes.

Do not take things too seriously.

Live your life with serenity, not with regrets.

Remeber that a little bit of love can last long time.

Remember that enough love can last for ever.

Remember that friendship is a wise investment.

Life treasures are people ...when they're together.

Have health, hope and happiness,

Take the time to wish upon a star.

And do not forget, even for a day

How special you are!

Best Regards

Ultimately it is the person and their decision and actions that are responsible.

EVERYONE has these thoughts when someone dies.

She did not get the help she needed.

With the holidays here, no doubt you are thinking about her , holidays, birthdays, things that remind you of her, are all called 'anniversary ' dates after someone dies.

Hope you have a memorial for her, or a place to pray and talk.

Get grief counseling if you need to. This method works well , eftmasters.com .

Pray for her also.

blessings

EDIT: for some reason I did not see the sexual abuse by your dad, that is over the top, and she needed help with dealing with all that. So , yes , a good part of the blame goes to him and your mom for not giving her the help she needed to resolve that. how could she 'forgive ' the man who is a predator on her daughter.

If this happened to you, get out and get help from the site I gave you. Still , she could have gotten help.

I think what you and your mom did used to be incorrect, rather of coming down on her like a ton of bricks when you two found out she was once using, you all will have to have shown compassion instead thann condemning her. You must have gotten her some style of practical aid as an alternative than simply telling her to stop, when your hooked on medicinal drugs, or anything for that matter *its going to be rough to stop and it will not happen over night* and that's after they need you to help them, accusing ,yelling and screaming at them simplest makes things worse. I am sorry but you have got to hear and normally the reality hurts but on the end of the day actually the reality. You, your mother and your father, esp your mom and father, all performed an element main as much as her suicide. There have been many matters you all would have carried out however did not and things that you did an should not have finished. However I consider the sexual abuse she persisted from her father was the foundation for her suicide, the yelling and accusing helped construct it up and the medicines helped her to commit the act. So individually , All of you played a component , even though its predominant you appreciate that, alternatively than sweeping it beneath the rug, its additionally major that you just come to phrases wwith it. And now not dwell it seeing that your sister is long past. The nice thing is that there is forgiveness of sins in Jesus christ, simply tell/ pray to him, and inform him your sorrry for attributing to her suicide and not helping in some and receive his forgiveness and most importantly forgive yourself.

This is so terribly sad. I'm so sorry for your family and your loss.

It's not necessarily about fault or blaming each other. Basically your sister took that decision all by her self and it sounds as if she enjoyed a bit of emotional blackmail right at the end trying to ensure that you did feel guilty, that wasn't a nice thing to do. I wonder if in fact she intended to be ill or unconscious but not dead to make the point?

We need to look more at how and why people come to this point. First of all we inherit genes from our family and lots of genes miss a generation or 2 then revisit. Then we have out upbringing where we see role models in our parents and we learn to copy the things they say or do, good or bad.

Then we have life situations, say accidents or unfortunate things in our life that damage us, bad relationships that hurt. We also make some sorts of choices in life as well, we opt to take drugs. Then we can become addicted and it's no long quite the same as opting. Opting to stop is a choice but lots fail at first, just like alcohol or smoking we have a heck of a time getting free of the things we are addicted to, including food, sex, gambling. People can be addicted to almost anything and have trouble setting it aside, not just illegal drugs but prescription drugs or otc ones People can even be addicted to another person!

So when we look at the role models of parents we need to remember that they also got stuck with their genes and the role models of their parents who may have been less than perfect. At some stage in life we need to be able to set down the burdens of the past, the life we've had, people who hurt us and make a decision to be ourselves to be who we are or want to be without blaming anyone else for the stuff that we carry in baggage. Doing that often means we can set at least some of the baggage down and move on.

I guess therefore some of the stuff was handed down through generations but finally at the end of the day only people who are psychotic don't take the choice on themselves for their own suicide. It is a very selfish act. You can't go taking the blame for what your sister chose to do.

Good luck to you in life may things improve for you soon.

Horrible responses... Sorry for your sister poor girl having her life ruined by your Father and living with a mother who didn't care... YES! it's the fault of your parents especially being abused at a young age... think about it! living with that everyday reason for the drugs to forget... Please for your sake leave your parents and remember your sister for all the good you had together and try and live her life in you. Your are not to blame for your parents giving her that sexual experience to live with everyday for life. Hope she is in a better place and your Father getting raped in prison daily. May he understand what's it like to be abused.

Philosophically speaking,the fault is not yours,mother's or father's nor your sister's. It is the Society's fault.

for simplifying things, let's say it is your father's and your mother's (a little) fault and maybe a little bit of your sister's too. she may had more problems than the ones from the family. Like problems from the outside world or society. together, all of these problems lead to her suicide. not any single's person's fault although your father maybe responsible too.

The thing is not who's fault was it, the thing is moving on and forgetting the past and make your all's life better because this is just past. so your mother forgave your dad, do the same by your self too and stop blaming yourself, or parents or sister. continues things by forgiving (maybe it is hard ) and forgetting eventually. good luck!!

I personally feel that this largely falls on the shoulder of your parents. First off, sexual harassment is not okay in anyway, shape, or form. Second off, without the support of your mother, your sister would have had no sense of support or security. But i feel that this is not your fault.

Im sorry for your loss but you shouldnt blame yourself. I hope this helps.

All cus you shouldn't place blame especially if it's a family member you should help them with there problem and show you love n care about them. But it's to late now she's gone just don't forget about her she's watching over you now.