Would Americans use these phrases?

Bloke = man <<< rarely

Takin the piss = Are you being serious?

Takin the mick = ^ <<< These three - no

Takin the biscuit= ^

Lad = young man/boy << yes, on occasion

Geezer = man <<< in the U.S., a "geezer" is an old man, usually a cranky/crochety one :-)

Bloody hell = damn <<< once in a while; we wouldn't think of it as being as strong as "damn."

Takin a liberty = taking too many favours <<< In the U.S., taking a liberty would mean doing something overly personal

Tw*t = someone very annoying <<< if th asterisk is for an "a," then definitely not; it it's for an "i," then we'd mean the person was an idiot - but it wouldn't be the sort of word that would be censored

Kn*bhead = basically d*ckhead <<< I've heard it a time or two

Get on the dog & bone = Get on the phone << No. No "rhyming slang" here :-)

Go up the apples and pears = go up the stairs << See above

Fiver = 5 pounds

Tener = ten pounds << Neither of these would apply in the U.S. My parents' generation might have said a "ten-spot" for a ten-dollar bill

The Guv'nor = the boss << No, but we'd know what you meant :-) We'd say "head honcho" or just "boss."

The old bill = police << No. For us, it would be "the cops" or (for younger people) "Po-Po"

Bobby = police who wears a 'bobby hat' <<< they aren't worn here, but most Americans would know what a Bobby was.

Bobby on the beat = An alert police officer who is walking around the area << No; we'd say "cop walking his beat"

Nicked = put in prison << No (although if you used it in context, we'd probably get it)

The beat = the law/police No - we'd say "the cops" or "the law"

Bloomin/bleedin heck = another way of saying bloody hell << No - but we'd understand the intent; we'd probably just say "godd*mn" and get it over with ;-)

Bob = money << no; we'd say "cash" or "change"

Quid= money/pounds << No; the American equivalent would be "bucks" I suspect. "Big bucks" would mean lots of money, or that something was REALLY expensive

mi-love = my love, used very informally by men toward women you don't know and do know, also used by women towards younger/elderly men and other women/girls. << Not used here; we'd be more apt to use "sweetheart" or "dear"

Rubbish = Trash Yes - we'd also use it to mean "nonsense."

Loo = bathroom Yes - I hear it once in a while. Sometimes W.C. (water closet) from older folks

pesky = nosy/someone who pesters alot << yes - although it's not used a lot

blower = phone <<< No - that would have been used in old mob movies though LOL

Stag do = bachelor party (before the groom gets married) No; we'd just say bachelor party straight up

Hen do = bachelorette party No; just "bachelorette party" - and those have only become common in the last generation or two.

Blimey = wow No - but we'd understand it :-)

Fags = Cigarettes - No - in the U.S., "fag" is a rude word for a homosexual

Daft as a brush = stupid << "daft' maybe... the rest, no

Faffing = messing about << no

Flippen eck = damn! << no; we'd probably use "f*cking hell" or something along those lines

Tripe = Rubbish/stupideness << Yes (not terribly common, but still used)

Banter = humour/joke <<Yes

Manky = unpleasant <<No

Mingin = horrible/unpleasant <<No

Narky = moody << No; here, a "narc" is a cop who deals with drugs, or someone who rats on someone else (not necessarily for drugs)

Plonker = someone silly/stupid << No

Tosser= a bit of an idiot/someone you don't like << No, but we'd get it :-)

It reeks = It stinks Yes - kind of a formal word for us, oddly :-)

Ta = thanks << Yes - you hear it now and then; also used as "goodbye"

Ta-rra = bye << No

Munter = ugly woman << No; we'd say "bag" or "old bag" depending on age

Well, it won't let me have enough space... :-( Edit: I'm finishing below as Hocus Pocus

Ok - I'm the same person as Orca Doc - It wouldn't let me have enough space to finish the northern ones :-) so here they are:

Aye = yes << Yes, occasionally - our Navy uses "aye-aye" as a response to a command

Me mam = my mum << We'd say "my mom" and occasionally "my mum." "Ma'am" is a polite southern term for a woman. If a woman asks someone to do something, "Yes, Ma'am" would be a polite response from a younger person.

Me pa = my dad << "Pa" would be used in the south still a little bit; "dad" or "daddy" would be more common

H'oway man = Let's go << No - I've never heard that one at all :-)

Canny = lovely <<< No - we'd use "uncanny" to mean "strange" in the sense of being a bit eerie, though. "Canny" would be uncommon, and would mean "shrewd."

Bonny= Yes, occasionally - it's also used as a girl's name here.

Now't = nothing - Yes - sort of. It's a corruption of "naught" which means "nothing" - but for us, it would be quite a formal word. We might say "His efforts came to naught" to mean that all his work was for nothing. Less formally, we'd say "nada" (Spanish for "nothing") or "zip"/"zero"

Clobber = clothes << No; a new one to me

R'kid = way of describing a close male friend << No - also new to me

Toon = town - no, but we'd understand it

Alreet = alright - No, but again, I think we'd understand it

Lass = girl - yes - kind of an old-fashioned word for us, but still used now and then

Lassie= ^ Same as above :-) To me, they're both Scottish terms

Can'nee = can't << No, but we'd understand it - again, something I'd think of as Scottish

Mega = really cool << Yes - or really big, or some other superlative

Bad'un = no good << yes - particularly in the southern U.S.

Bog = toilet <<< No; to us, a bog would be a soggy, wet area in a forest or swamp

Butty = sandwich << No - also new to me

Dale = Valley << Yes; it ends up in lots of street names

Down't road = down the road <<< We would use the full phrase

On the sauce = drinking alcohol Yes :-) Definitely used

Pet = term of endearment (people from the north east corner of England (Geordies) use this alot) - no - we'd be more likely to use "dear" or "honey"

Us = me, so for example, instead of saying 'She was telling me about her day' someone who is a Geordie (from the north east) would say 'She was telling us about her day' but still mean 'me'. << Yes - we'd use it, but we'd definitely mean that the speaker was talking to more than one person... so it's yes, but not quite LOL

Kegs = trousers <<< No - here, a "keg" would be a large container of beer :-) We'd just say "pants"

Larking = play <<< no, but we'd understand without a problem

Lug = ear << No - here, a "lug" would be either a literal lug (such as the big kind that holds a tire onto a car) or a big, stupid guy LOL

owt = anything - no, but some of us would uderstand it as the word "aught" - an old-fashioned sort of word for us.

tadger = a mans 'package'- no - we'd say "the family jewels" or a guy's "junk" :-)

Where ya born in a barn = you've left the door open, close it! <<< Oh yeah! I've had that one yelled at me as a kid more times than I can count LOL

Your "northern" terms are very much phrases that would be used in the American south, for the most part. But I guess that's logical - much of America's south was originally colonized by Scots-Irish folk. Your second list was MUCH more familiar to me than your first, because that's where I'm from (Texas, but grandparents from Georgia and the Carolinas)

Thanks for the fun :-)

Nope

No, but I would love to. I just got to pick up my butty first you twit.

Sorry to tel you this, but no, those all are pretty much not American.

No