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Every time my dad calls I tend to cry? and Parent Issues! HELP?
Anyways the things is my dad works abroad if you know what I mean. We hardly communicate and the last time I saw him was more than 4 years or so? So were not pretty close, though I wanted to open up to him, I'm clearly having a hard time.
For example when he calls to check up on us he tends to say how are you doing. I'd answer fine then he'll ask about studies which I would reply fine. Then he'll ask if there are news about us and I would answer none. Clearly I would stay silent and that ends the conversation. Its always like that. Though in my head I wanted to tell him about lots of things that happened but rather than that I'd just stay quiet and go in my room. My grandparents would ask what he said and I would reply Oh the usual nothing much and same goes for my mom. Then when they're not looking tears would start to form and would roll down to my cheeks, then the next thing I knew I'm already crying. Apparently the cycle goes on. Don't get me wrong he's not one of those sick father who doesn't care about his children. I mean his the most caring father you'll ever meet even though we're not close I can sense it.
Oh and there's this issue when some dude went on our house which when I arrive from school. I was surprised to see this guy but I just left it thinking its one of mom's friends but my brother just called him daddy, and I was like what the f**k? I mean how can he call that guy daddy? I started to get all high and my blood started to raise but I ignore it not wanting to be rude and such. The following days I got more suspicious I overheard my mom talking to the same person everyday and asking how are you and have you eaten and love you, miss you. I thought it was my real dad so I let it slide. One day I rummaged my mom's phone but I can't access it since its locked so I decided to open her facebook. (sorry for the intrusions) At first I knew the password so I opened it and went to messages I scrolled down and saw two unread messages I opened it and was shocked to see words with I love you and such but my mom saw me so I had to shut the laptop, then later the dude whom mom always talk chat and something then she noticed the opened message and notifications, so she questioned me afterwards and sermon on how not to open personal stuffs I denied but instead she changed the password. So several days passed with not much to do. Then suddenly one day I got the password (I forgot how I did it) So I hurriedly opened her account and opened messages I saw something 3 persons The first one was she was talking about talking him for helping my dad and god knows what he did. and i was like what did she meant by that. The second one was about something my mom and having a divorce and I was like what the heck?! Tears started to form as usual then the third one is about the dude and saying I love you and stuffs at first I was like how dare my mom say these things especially not to my real dad so I scrolled up and realized that he was my moms first love and under huge circumstances they were separated and then like that but they still have feelings for each other. I was mortified by the raveled scene at first I was mad and I loathed my mom. How dare she cheat I thought. Then I asked my grandma about it, turns out my grandma explained that he was just a friend! afterwards when i was about to sleep my mom said that he was a friend. I didn't answer and instead went to sleep. Turns out I didn't really understood but until this day they kept on saying I love you and such and that really angered me I mean how can she do that to that dude while my real dad.. ugh this sickens me. Sometimes I feel that shes more close to that dude instead of my real dad. The worst thing is that dude still have feelings for my mom and that dude is my moms first love. and there was a stance when they say first love is hard to die. I was like what the heck.. Seriously I wanna tell my real dad but I don't know. i'm too afraid to open that topic. i'm afraid seriously everytime my dad calls I wanna scream and say hey dad did you know mom is doing some stuffs behind your back. I tried once telling him because I send him text through my phone but I'm scared. I don't know. So yeah until now I don't have the courage to tell him.
They're both great parents but I think dad doesn't deserve this I mean his working overseas away from us alone. Isn't he sad then what if I tell him about mom would his heart break I mean he loves us and all so much. Just typing this actually made me cry and feel sorry for my dad. but on the other hand they may be just friends but who in the world would keep saying I love you to each other and stuffs about first love..
PLEASE HELP THESE 2 SITUATIONS. WHAT DO I DO? SHOULD I TELL HIM? HAVE A PROPER TALK WITH MY MOM AND FINALIZE IT? YOUR ANSWERS WOULD BE GREAT HELP
1 Answer
- 8 years ago
I hate it that your mom has carelessly put you in this very complicated situation. It's not fair that you have to be involved in something like this. If your mom wasn't hiding something from everyone then she wouldn't care if you saw what was in her private messages on facebook. She might tell you that sneaking into people's personal stuff isn't your place, but I don't think it would have turned into a sermon if this man she's talking to wasn't more than a friend. That's my personal opinion. It's possible that this guy and you mom are just friends, but it seems more likely to me that she's having some sort of affair. It could be just talking on facebook but that's still an emotional affair if she's talking to him like she's in love. I have plenty of guy friends I talk to on facebook and I let my boyfriend look at what I wrote to them if he ever feels paranoid because I don't have anything to hide. I just tend to get along better with guys than girls. But I don't ever tell them 'I love you' or 'have you eaten today.' Anyway, there's something you can do. It's not on you to tell your dad what's happening. It's your mom's responsibility because it's her alleged affair. I think you should get real with your mom and tell her what you suspect she's doing. At that point she might get scared and break communication with the guy on facebook which could work out, especially if the messaging is the only thing that's going on between them. Or, if she is truly having an affair, and she admits it to you, she should be the one to tell your dad. You don't have to do that. Although it's hard no matter which way the issue comes to light to your dad, it's less complicated if you leave it up to your mom to tell your dad. This way, you are not just holding all these suspicions inside letting them make you worry and feel sad. You'd be doing something about it while also minimizing the potential damage that might occur if your mom is really cheating. Imagine how mad your dad would get if he had to hear that his wife might be cheating on him from his child instead of his wife. That would be really hard on him because he would then be aware of how you've suffered through this. That's why I think you could talk it out with your mom and tell her that you suspect that she's having an affair and you want her to do something about it and either prove she's not cheating or admit to it.
Source(s): BS Psychology
