Am I dissociative?used for cult purposes?

I've always been "scared" about everything,for almost no reason.i have vague memories of being a toddler and hitting/kissing babies.i know it happened more than once,don't know how I know that but I just know it happened more than once.i was and am still quite an angry person,I get very nervous a lot,sometimes I feel like I might suddenly panic,I'm depressed,probably bipolar,I used to cut myself and on occasion still do.i overdosed on muscle relaxers and an anti-anxiety pill when I was 17.im 23 now.i almost have a phobia of going out in public or being around other people.i get paranoid and feel like I'm being tested or minipulated sometimes.when I was around 7 or 8 my mom "accidentally" pulled my arm out of its socket and I question if that was to further my dissociation.i was in a mental hospital 3 different times,two of the times before my overdose and the third one after.i also have a memory of an older family friend exposing his penis to me,but barely any memory of what happened before and no memory of what happened right after I saw it.there are periods of time in my childhood that I don't remember much about.my dad was never in the picture and my mom often did drugs and had some issues of her own.ive read that "mind control programming" begins to decline or fail as the victim approaches age 30 and now in my 20s I've realized and seen my psychological problems worsen or intensify and maybe that could be the reason.i don't need anyone to tell me to see a psychologist or be on medication,because that's not what I'm asking and I can't afford it.period. What I'm asking is was i or am I an abuse victim who was involved or used by a cult or someone who has Dissociative identity disorder or was possibly used to "program" other children/babies when I was a child.Need answers,HELP.