What is your best joke in the world?

What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!

Probably overused and lame, sorry. It's the best one I know. Lets await for the

other 'funny' jokes... :D

An International survey was conducted last year to find the "Best joke in the world" and this was the winner;

Sherlock Holmes & Dr. Watson are on a camping trip, laying on their sleeping bags and staring up at the night sky....Holmes says; "Look at the millions of stars, Watson....what do you deduce?"

Dr. Watson ponders for a minute and replies; "We are but one planet in a vast Universe, Holmes....and given how many stars there are, and how many planets like ours there must be, at least some of them must support life, so we not not be alone in the Cosmos!"

To which Sherlock Holmes replies; "No, you idiot! It means someone stole our tent!"

I have my collection of sick jokes on sickipedia but I don't have time to browse through all and pick a single one, so here's a random one..

"There's a new Supermarket near our house that's recently opened. It's got an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk aisle, you hear cows mooing and there's a scent of fresh hay. When you approach the eggs, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more."

There's this really fat guy, like absolutely massive, and he sees an advertisement in the papers to loose 40 lbs in a day (seems legit right?) but he's desperate, and he calls them up, and asks for the 40 lb weight loss.

Anyway, the next morning, there is a knock at his door, and a woman is there. She's wearing nothing, and she is the best looking woman you would have ever seen with the largest breasts. She also has a sign around he neck, that says "If you can catch me, you can have me." By the end of the day, he had lost 40 lbs, as promised.

The next day, there's another advert in the paper, to loose 60 lbs in a day. He rings them up, and the next day, an impossible woman, at least twice as good looking than the first one, and also completely naked, apart from a sign around her neck saying "If you can catch me, you can have me." By the end of the day, he had lost the 60 lbs.

A week later, he sees another advert in the papers by the same people, offering to help you loose 100 lbs in a day. He phones them up, and they say "Are you sure, this one means a LOT of work and is very expensive." He says yes

The nest day, a HUGE dude, absolutely massive - in terms of muscle - shows up at his door. He is also completely naked, except for a sign around his neck that says "If I catch you, your *** is mine."

A sexy young blonde heads to the confession booth at church one day.

The priest says "How can I help you, my child?"

The blonde says "Father, I have sinned. Over the weekend I met seven guys and slept with all seven of them."

The priest thinks for a moment, then says "Okay. I want you to squeeze the juice from seven lemons and drink it"

The blonde replies "Will that rid me of my sins?"

"No", replies the priest. "But it will take that huge smile off your face"

I used to be in a band called Missing Cat.

You may have seen my posters.

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a *****, and his owner beats him.

what is the worst four letter word in the world ?

Work.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a pickle on his head?

-A Quarter-Pounder